Totally Super Pumped

Finally.

I haven’t been to Vegas since the wife and I had our honeymoon there in 2000. Thankfully, my wife saw the signs as I did and we realized that it’s high time for another trip.

We’ve been planning since this last Christmas to go to Vegas for Christmas 2005, and spent some time last night hemming and hawing about whether two trips to Vegas in the same year would be too much. What the hell were we thinking? Of course it’s not!

So, on June third, the Head + wife will be landing for the tenth time in Vegas, ready to get to the tables with some poker players who all have a similar urge to publish stuff on the Web. We’re going to be staying at the Golden Nugget because neither of us has stayed in “old Vegas” before, plus it’s cheap as hell. Airfare and 3 nights at the hotel cost us $650, NICE.

Now where did I put that spare liver?

Uh-oh..Sounds like trouble

Here it is folks…a reason to get those poker profits pumped up. No one got served, but nonetheless, It’s ON.

The wife and I spent our honeymoon at the Alladin. My birthday is June 7. Is it me, or does this sound a lot like providence at work?

Now I just gotta find the money…geez, that’s gonna be a lot of plasma to donate :)

A.I.

Artificial Intelligence? Nope, American Idol, but the intelligence contained therein is definitely artificial. The Mrs. is an American Idol fan, which I guess by proxy makes me one too. Thank God for that Intraweb thing during that time slot.

Last night I didn’t have to see too much of the show since I got home later than normal and still had to cook. While I’m in the kitchen, I hear a noise most disturbing….

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo

It was as familiar as it was unpleasant, and it took me a second to place it. **accessing memory banks…located** Arsenio Hall Show….oh no, say it’s not so.

Coming out from the kitchen I find Randy Jackson not only prompting the male contestants to make this odious noise, but also to partake in the attendant fist circle motion that was Arsenio’s little gimmick. Even during it’s height, the Arsenio fist and noise thing wasn’t very cool, I wonder why he can’t grasp the fact that it’s even less so now?

Just when I think it’s impossible for my sensibilities to be offended any further, he refers to the male Idol contestants as ‘The Dogg Pound”. Mommy, make the bad man stop… Note to Randy: Snoop did this already in the early 90’s, and it belongs solely to him.

Jeezus, next thing we know, Randy Jackson will be calling himself the Don Mega. I kind of hope he does, as seeing him punched by Ice Cube would be worthy of a Pay-per-View style event.

Which brings me to my Randy Jackson Hypothesis. Everyone knows a white guy that acts WAY too artificially black. That’s Randy, except he actually IS black. That’s it, that’s the hypothesis. Most white folks are more black than Randy Jackson. God is definitely a cruel comedian.

The Light of Day

When you’re alone at night, even if you know where you’re going, you still feel like you are floundering a bit. Something about the lack of light relegating everything around you to an obscure shape makes it seem like you’re a bit lost even though you’re not, exactly. Finally, the sun peeks out from the horizon and invigorates you, spurring you forward on your path with a renewed vigor.

It seems to me the same holds true with poker. For so many years, our game has been relegated to the perpetual night of the back room, scorned by puritanical notions that claim a figurative monopoly on the light of day. Over the last, what, 3 to 4 years(?), more folks than ever have discovered the proverbial “back room”, and if that’s where the game continues then sooner or later people will leave, opting instead for sunshine and leaving us where we began.

PokerProf has a new post up from a new contributor talking about a new International Poker Association, and it sounds like their vision is a good one. Of all the fledgling organizations out there struggling to lift themselves up, I’m glad to see that this one chose the word ‘International’, because that’s what the game is. The consistency of its rules make it something that everyone can participate in, regardless of language or geography.

I posted before about the constant efforts by the powers that be to squash our game. The reason for doing so was an article that Roy Cooke wrote in CardPlayer. I emailed Roy, voicing my support and desire to help if there was some way that I could, and last night I actually received a response. It seems there is something that this little blogger can do, and that is try simply to round up a bit of support for the notion. Long story short, the powers at CardPlayers are beginning to get a bit reticent about Roy writing and pushing so much for such an organization, and seem to be leaning towards putting the kibosh on the subject unless he can show that there is support out there for such a thing.

So, if you are so inclined (and I certainly hope you are), send a mail to pokersVoice at aol dot com to voice your interest in seeing future columns on the subject, and to be included in future discussion. I truly believe that this little (well, not so little these days) community can actually contribute something very real to help ensure the future prosperity of this game.

Of all the material I’ve read thus far on the subject, and at the risk of sounding like a Cooke evangelist of sorts, I really think that he has the most cohesive vision for an association thus far regarding the fact that one unified organization needs to be formed. I think that this is a crucial point, because a whole bunch of smaller organizations will eventually end up scrapping with each other and getting little or nothing accomplished. The big money folks are never attracted to splinter groups, and are lot more open with their pockets when presented with the option to work with a unified whole.

Basketball has the NBA, football the NFL. If we really want to see this game be popular over the long haul, I think it behooves us to make every effort towards bringing about that formation of a NPA.

The light of dawn is beginning to peek through. Let us not be apathetic because of the present booming popularity and the warm sun. While the way is clear we really should be preparing for the evening that is eventually and inevitably on its way.

Check out my new Dubs

I’m approaching a mark I honestly didn’t think I would reach: Ninety days.

Ninety days, a lot of crap, a few decent pieces, and I still want to keep going. This little endeavor has certainly had some unexpected results.

I have been off of the Celexa for an entire sixty of these ninety days. Now, I’m all for better living through chemistry, but I’ve never been wholly OK with the anti-depressants other than for recreational purposes. They smack of artificiality, and not in the good way. When on a steady diets of these, there are things that you know should be making you feel some way or another, yet you don’t, and that in its own way is, well, depressing.

As an outsider reading, you must be asking “How did you come to be one of the legions of the anti-depressed?” Long story short, ’00 to ’02 a high-paying, unrealistically high-pressure sales job stole pieces of my soul and “broke” something in my brain. Imagine having a heart attack that lasts anywhere from four to eight hours, multiply it by every day, and you get the picture.

Many would say that blogging serves no purpose. After all, what are they really, but slightly edited snippets of the mundane soap opera that is life? I can’t help but disagree with those of the ‘no purpose’ school. It may be a bit tougher to find, but great insight can be found in a mundane snippet sometimes, just ask some of the folks who have improved their poker game through said mundane snippets. Move over little pink pills, I’m repairing myself one word at a time.

And now, on to other things...

There is new inductee on my Persons who ought to be Thrashed list. Okay, I don’t really have a list like that, but sometimes I think I should. The new inductees are none other than the folks who started Jamster and Dirty Hippo. Have you seen these? No? Well, turn to MTV or Comedy Central and I promise you they will rectify that in short order.

I noticed them a few months back popping up sporadically on Comedy Central (seemingly with the intent on souring my enjoyment of Friday Night Stand Up), and remember thinking to myself that no one could possibly want what they were selling. After all, how many people could possibly feel as though they need a spinning dub screensaver on their phone, to be accompanied by a lame SirMixaLot ring? Quite a few apparently, as the commercials in question have gone from annoying in their frequency to downright “quick, give me that rusty spoon so I can gouge out my eyes.”

Here’s to hoping that they go away quickly, because I would very much like to keep my eyes. I realize that this wish is tantamount to wishing for world peace, but I can dream, right? One thing is for sure: I’m obviously in the wrong damn business, because there seems to be an awful lot of money in them thar crappy bitmaps and MIDI tunes.

Staying with this train of thought, I long for an idea like that which makes me oodles of quick money. Straight from impulsive consumers right into my pockets. The trick seems to be doing that while maintaining a sense of personal dignity and not selling my soul in the process. Decisions, decisions. This brings an interesting question to mind: Would you rather be unbelievably rich, being hated my many and loved by few OR would you rather be upper-poor/lower-middle on the economic scale, but loved by all and hated by very few?

Put that in your pipe and smoke it for a while. Speaking of smoking, I’m long overdue for a date with my smooth blend of Turkish tobacco (Camels, for you non-smoking readers).

This is the crap that comes out when you have to spend six hours alone at work. Thanks for staying with another episode of my mundane soap opera. I have to get home now to console the Mrs., who it seems just bubbled out of two straight SnG’s and is mighty unhappy about it. Aaaaah, smell that springtime variance…..

Remastered Goodness

Here is sit, all brokenhearted
Tried to work,
But only farted.

Yes, it’s true; I’m sitting at work on this most auspicious of holidays, one of the very few instances that I’m actually jealous of the salaried folk. Oh well, it is what it is.

I wish I had some more substantial content to share, but all I can think about is the fact that I’m actually looking forward to taking a dump, as that is most likely going to be the only thing that breaks the monotony of the next six hours. The weather was beautiful this weekend (for once), so I spent most of it doing some constructive things other than poker, like socializing and poking my giant head outside for once.

Saturday evening was some good fun, and well, toe-down is about the only way to describe it. Stupid Stolichnaya.

I awoke on Sunday morning with full intentions of getting a post written, and while I still had the motor skills to type, the aforementioned vodka had slowed my thinking to the point of actually moving backwards, hence no post. What does one do in a condition such as this? Why, go out and spend some poker profit! After all, what fun is money if you don’t do anything with it?

Thanks to my new television, I am now a movie purchasing freak. A couple of weeks back, the wife and I made a score at Hollywood Video when they were having a sale on DVD’s, 3 for $30. So, for a nominal fee we added….

· Anchorman Uncut (I’m a sucker for anything Will Ferrell)
· City of God
· Garden State
· Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
· Napoleon Dynamite
· Hero

….to the collection. Yesterday though, I broke from my budget conscious tradition and went big, buying both The Ultimate Matrix Collection and The Alien Quadrilogy. Rush home, whip up a nice meal, herbally prepare, and then spend the next seven hours enveloped in the warm embrace of digitally remastered goodness. No computer screens, no virtual tables, just what the doctor ordered.

Now I’m ready to get back to the tables, and I have to work. Curses!

Since I’m sure many of you have a bit of extra time today, I thought you might enjoy Banned from Poo Mountain. Here’s hoping that you enjoyed it as much as I did, although I probably would have renamed it “Pothead discovers Richard Brautigan.”

Thinking Big. Head Much Bigger. Talk at ya soon…..

That Crushing Feeling

Yesterday, after finishing some schoolwork that took me less time than I thought it would, I jumped into a $5 SnG on Stars and had a feeling that I now realize I had only thought I had experienced.

The feeling of completely CRUSHING a game. No doubts, no other considerations. The other players simply had no chance.

Now, I know you’re thinking “Whooptee-fucking-doo, crushing a $5 SnG is no big feat for most people possessing opposable thumbs and the basic ability to walk upright” and of course you’re right.

While it has never been a big problem to beat and/or place well in the $5 and $10 SnG’s, I mention it not in some lame attempt at bragging, but due to the sheer joy of finally truly experiencing that ‘Crushing’ feeling. I have read about it, and I have heard others tell tale, but to finally experience it makes me very excited and somewhat relieved. Finally, after 18 months of playing, I’ve taken a mental step I’ve known to be necessary, but couldn’t seem to hold onto. One of sitting down, immediately identifying weaknesses and styles, and then unmercifully pounding on the others like my own personal redheaded stepchild.

The humble $$ level is of no import, it was a beautiful thing.

I’ll be trying to get in some play today, but I have to bathe the dogs and help clean the house since we have some folks coming over tonight. The couple coming over are in the throes of pre-engagement love, so it should be amusing to see from the outside the way that the wife and I once were. You know what I’m talking about….a time when you and your other half looked like two people suffering from congenital heart failure permanently trying to resuscitate each other. I plan on having some relaxing fun, as I have been alone with my own mind way too much over the last couple of months, and even though I know I’ll regret it tomorrow, I think I may just go for what I imagine (having never actually witnessed one) to be an AlCantHang drunk.

Updates tomorrow, provided I still have a motor skill or two left to my name.

Tilt and Tourneys, Pt. II

"To live for results would be to sentence myself to continuous frustration. My only sure reward is in my actions and not from them."
--Hugh Prather

I wanted to post this first thing this morning, but alas, work got in the way…..

There seems to have been quite a tilt resurgence in the last week or so, experienced by not only myself, but by quite a few others in the blogger community. What an insidious little parasite tilt is, recently prompting me to think of it in the same vein as herpes.

“There is currently no cure for tilt, and even with treatment, it may be possible to spread tilt. Consult a more experienced mentor if you plan on becoming gambually active.”

But under certain conditions, spreading the tilt can be great for my bankroll! Yes, this is true, and I can definitely think of specific examples of players to whom I would like to give the gift of the proverbial herpes (TILT, for those of you not quite following). However, giving tilt is a subject in and of itself, and best left for another day, and for that matter someone else, as I am certainly no master when it comes to tilting others.

In dealing with our own tilt, I thought that it might be appropriate to relate my BALLS Theory. But before I do, let me tell a quick story…..

…about a guy named Donnie Todd, or as he is better known, DT, and his brother Shawn.. Stories abound about DT, and all are hilarious, but they are also best saved for another time and place. Shawn was kind of retarded. Not full-on, but let's just say he was late when intelligence got passed out and ended up with the consolation prize. One Christmas, Shawn decided to make DT a card, trying to say, “You are the best brother in the world.” The actual card read: “You are the borther of all.” From then on, if anyone does something great or something is the biggest or best, we simply say “You are the borther” or “It’s the borther.”

The BALLS Theory stands for Borther of All Loosely Linked Superstitions. (Make sense now?)

Remember reading Super System, when Doyle speaks of the fact that he doesn’t care whether rushes are real (in the scientific, measurable sense) or not, they are real in his mind? This theory of mine kind of runs along those same lines. During a long tournament, I like to pay attention to how the cards are running. Do PP’s seem to be hitting more than usual? Are the AK, AQ hands missing flops and losing races pretty regularly? Are a lot of flushes coming for people? I know, some people will laugh at, deride, and debunk this silliness till the day they die. Slansky and Malmuth would probably seize up and die at the sheer idiocy of it. After all, the cards have no memory, there aren’t really any poker gods. I’m still convinced however, that the cards have trends and cycles, even if I don’t have any kind of hard proof to back any of this drivel up. It is the BALLS theory that helps me to make a decision on whether or not to put my 88 in a race with the guy who I know holds AK and just went all-in for a good portion or all of my stack. If I’ve seen a lot of these hand types losing to small or medium PP’s throughout the night, I will most likely choose to play it safe and battle again at a different time when I perceive conditions as being more in my favor.

(NOTE: For me personally, I don’t think that this would work very well live, as I don’t see enough hands fast enough to “divine” anything.)

Poker is all about attacking and retreating at the right time. And while I can hear the peals of laughter ringing out from the blogsphere, I care not. I’m going to stick with this theory even if it is factual rubbish. It has served me well more often than not.

To wit: Last night I got the opportunity to play in a PL $10+1 MTT, my favorite game, and the only one where I’ve made a lot of final tables. PokerStars doesn’t have them nearly as often as I’d like, and they always seem to take place at inopportune times. Just under 500 people entered, so I immediately began applying my BALLS to the game, and it was working well this night

Late in the tourney (about 20 of us left), abracadabra, I get AK suited, and boy is she a beaut. I don’t have trouble playing AK unsuited, but it’s so pretty when suited, and looks so powerful, I turn into a retarded kid that just got set loose in a room full of stickers and prize jars. I make a big mess, and something (normally my stack) gets destroyed.

I’m beginning to get a little low in chips at this point, and a player who is shorter than me by about a third (who, consequently, is very aggressive and loves to push marginal holdings and/or pure shite) pushes his whole stack in after I limp. I know he has a small PP.

At this point, inside my head I could see that damn marketing bastard from MacDee’s walking towards me with that stupid grin on his face. Will he delude and persuade me as he did last eve? Not tonight, my friends. I proceeded to kick him swiftly in the nuts before his silver tongue could chide me into doing something stupid. I opt instead, to take a good hard look at my BALLS.

My BALLS told me that AK and its cousins had been missing quite a bit. If I lost this race, I would be crippled, with no chance to win. I opt to fold. Lo and behold there is another caller with AQ and Shazam! the guy hits his set. My BALLS have saved me from tournament disaster.

Rather than drone on for pages about the particulars of the tourney, I’ll let you know that my BALLS helped lead me to yet another PL final table and a very respectable third place finish for a tidy payday of nearly $500. Why did I relate this in such a long-winded fashion? Yes, not tilting is much easier said than done. No, I’m not trying to make everyone a believer in my BALLS Theory (although feel free, if you like). I guess the point is, really try and find something that is uniquely yours that helps you to avoid tilt, even if it is in NO WAY FACTUAL. Keep striving to focus on your play and not the results of it (once again, easier said than done). If I hop into a cash game, and my BALLS tell me that the cards are not running favorably with the hands I am dealt, I quit for a while (or even the night), thus avoiding a tilt. And hey, even if you do actually begin tilting, making yourself laugh always helps more than you might realize. Just remind yourself that your BALLS can’t work every night without rest, it’s just not natural. Plus, saying BALLS is just plain fun.

Have a great time at the tables everyone, and remember……even though factually my theories may be wildly incorrect, I’m making every effort to Think Big, whilst my head remains Much Bigger.

Tilt and Tourney's, Pt. I

When anger rises, think of the consequences.
--Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

As I read through a load of posts this morning, most of which express and/or tell a tale of tilt and frustration, I can’t help but ask myself the question(s): Since this poker blogging community is indeed a ‘community’, are we subject to some form of mild mass hysteria? If I didn’t read various blogs every single day, would I be tilting as badly as I have been over the last few days? If a poker player tilts at their PC, and no one is around hear him/her, do they still sound like a tilting idiot? (OK, fine, that last question wasn’t a real question—be nice, I’m trying to be pseudo-deep)

Due to a dog and pony show at work yesterday requiring my presence, when Regional VP and State VP (who I have dubbed Zeus and mini-Zeus) came down for a visit, I arrived home earlier than normal and just in time to jump into the PokerStars $5 rebuy tourney. After a day of watching the other corporate peasants scurry around trying to gain favor with the overlords who deigned to come down from their mountain, some poker would be a welcome respite.

Following my rebuy doctrine to the letter, I exited the tourney in a swift 23 minutes after the typical card-catching nimrod called an all-in bet and sucked out on my vastly superior hand. Bing! Tilt’s done, and piping fresh from the oven, eat up!

Next step, join the $3 crapshoot MTT that’s about to start.

I settled in and actually managed to play well, in spite of the steaming. Before I knew it, out of the nearly 1800 entrants, we were down to around 150 and I was sitting approximately 50^th in chips. True to form, PokerStars drops the chip leader onto my table (it never fails), and all I can think about is BadBlood’s ‘Whither Aggression’ post (01/21). From the post in question:

”It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. - Nigel Tufnel”

I saw this proverbial line last night as the tournament field narrowed, and up to that point I managed to dance on the correct side of it. Then, that little man that lives in my head, the one who persuades me to do all things idiotic, encouraged and convinced me to stick my head in a bucket and go sprinting over said line. (Given the fact that I share Bob’s love of the McDonalds ads, I can only imagine that the person in my head who makes me do these things looks and talks an awful lot like the person who came up with that gawdawful idea for MacDees.)

The stack of the chip leader at this point had been whittled down by a couple of nasty beats to about half of what he came to the table with. This puts him and I about even, and we’re the two biggest stacks at the table. With blinds at 600/1200 (I forget the ante) I am dealt AKh in late position. Two limpers and he min-raises. This guy doesn’t play like a schmuck, and I know this…I smell a trap. I consider just cold calling and bailing the hand if/when I miss. Naaaaah.

Uh-oh. Here comes the MacDees marketing manager, and it looks like he wants to talk.

“Dude!” he says, “you always do this in the later stages of the tournament, you play like a pussy. You’ve got to start pushing people around! Just look at us. Where would MacDees be if I hadn’t pushed the fact that ‘I’m Lovin’ It’ upon the world?”

“But that campaign sucks” I reply, “I don’t want to be like you.”

“That doesn’t matter. If you push it, it will magically work out, stupid or no. Besides, you need to play to win on this one.”

Fuck me, I have succumbed to the ultimate in self delusion. The one where I think I have to suddenly kick into high gear and accumulate a mass of chips, because I’m ‘playing to win.’

I ignored my instincts and good sense, opting instead to listen to that persuasive marketing whore in my head. Instead of giving myself a real chance to win, I exited the tourney with a real impressive $4.57.

I have a lot more thoughts to relate on the current wave of frustration, and as well wanting to relate my ‘How the cards are running on any given day’ theory (all VERY scientific, mind you). Rather than cause your eyes an unnecessary ache, I will save it for tomorrow, so see you there….

…and I’ll be Thinking Big, while my head is Much Bigger.

Flailing

Tilting like a mofo right now, and of all things, due to a couple of puny-ass $5 SnG’s—Good Lord I’m lame.

I feel pretty good that I at least have the sense to shut things the hell down, but at the same time I feel no better. There’s not a damn thing you can do when shitbox players keep catching cards.

After a year and a half of playing, I’m still getting entirely too angry with low limit players who don’t know any better. I know all of the correct outlooks to have, but I can’t seem to internalize it to the point where I actually don’t care. I still expect to win every time I play, I have GOT to learn to quit that shit and let it go. Do any of the folks who have actually developed the “numbness” have any sage advice for me to work on?

Funny, I also just realized that I am getting upset losing a pissant amount of money, and yet I think nothing of giving away the same money to Starbucks for a couple of cups of fancifully flavored brown water—geez, get a grip, dude. Maybe one of these sites should develop a delicious caffeine-induced buzz for people that lose.

Wow, I’m feeling much better now. If this blog serves no other purpose, I have at least learned one thing: Writing really helps me come down from a tilting attack, even if it’s bad writing.

Fear not though, I am still making some good poker decisions. Namely, I gave my wife fifty of the tournament dollars I won from the other night. I started her out about a month ago with $50 cash money, and she’s been pretty much treading water, just playing SnG’s, so I figured the fifty tourney bucks would help her get a boost….and boosting is just what it seems to be doing. She’s pretty much kicking ass and taking names.

On the other more interesting blogs front, Iggy made mention of something related to him by Otis about bloggers either being diarists or reporters. Being one of the diarist/opiner camp I am WAY thankful for the reporter style, as I am entirely too lazy or busy (I like to think busy) to ever cull all of that information myself. I wasted about 10 minutes going back and forth with myself as to which style was “better”. The answer, quite obviously, is neither, and I cursed myself for overcomplicating such a question for so long in my own mind. Regardless of which style you lean toward, build it and they will come. “They” may be few, but come they will.

ScurvyDog is running his own little blogging contest, so get over there and read his blogging goodness. It’s chock full of great info for whoring of most types (sorry folks, for that type of whoring instruction, I have no links), and entertaining to boot, which is more than I can say of myself in the last week, but I hope to rectify that shortly. I’m trying to improve my writing chops, but as I flail around for a “voice” some crap will inevetably come along with the good stuff. I hope to be able to tilt the proverbial scales in the ‘good outweighs the bad’ direction soon.

Again, thanks everyone for hanging with me as I flail.

Warning: Sappy

Valentines Day=Time to get a little sappy.

WARNING: I decided to use today’s post for my wife in lieu of buying a card. Cards are lame and very run-of-the-mill more often than not, and while this post may be lame and run-of-the-mill, I’m not spending money to have some corporate ‘nameless one’ do the job for me. So, one last time, I’ll warn you that this post will more than likely be a waste of your valuable time. Unless you are at work, of course, where wasting time is perfectly acceptable.

Dearest Mrs. Head,

The reasons I love you are really too numerous to count, or even remember, so I thought I would compose a short (but by no means, complete) list for you this day:

• You can rap “Yo! Bum Rush the Show” and other old Public Enemy gems completely from memory. I’d lay money that most tiny, fair-haired white girls can’t even name one of their songs, let alone sing them (or, in this case, rap them).

• You pet my asteroid size head when I’m feeling sad.

• You let me fart pretty much whenever I want and don’t yell at me. You also are never disgusted if I let you know that I had to suddenly “handle my binness” because the urge struck while you were at work.

• You take care of the hardwood floors in the house, because you know I hate doing it, without sending me down a black hole of guilt.

• You think I’m funny when most think I’m simply from another planet.

• You’re the most beautiful girl in the world, and for some reason you enjoy being with me. You’re still there when I wake up every day, which finds me a little amazed, and a lot thankful.

I will never really be able to say just how much I Love You. I hope my short list at least gives you a glimpse. Happy Valentines Day!

Final Note: For those that actually made it through all of that, all I can say is “I tried to warn you”. I’ll have some poker tomorrow, and Happy Valentines Day to everyone else as well. May you be as lucky in love and at cards as I have thus far in life’s journey.

The Ego has Landed

Thursday night and yesterday, I finally got back to playing some poker. Unlike the traditional tale of the prodigal son, PokerStars didn’t exactly welcome me back with open arms on Thursday evening, where I proceeded to lose a bit of cash. Peculiar superstition dictated that I leave when, after only 3 orbits at my Limit table, I hit my set only to get nailed by runner runner flush both times. I joined a cheap SnG and proceeded to bubble out of that, as well, so I decided to call it a night. Besides, the dorks on The Apprenitice were busy making soap commercials that would embarrass even a public access show and I just couldn’t turn away from it.

As of yesterday, I finally wrapped up my taxes, which signals the official beginning of my year. I can’t seem to help viewing the period between the first of the year and the moment when the IRS is satiated as the chronological wastelands, kind of like that period following a couple of hits of ‘Timothy Leary’ when you’ve come down, but you’re definitely not back to normal yet. So after the trip to the accountant and the completion of other annoying but necessary tasks, what was I going to do with the remainder of the day?

Why, fire up some Party Poker, of course.

Naturally, due to my (mild to medium) OCD and my superstition, I was a bit reticent to play. The day had thus far indicated that we were in a full lunar Truman Show phase, since I had been stopped or slowed down by every single red light and/or handicapped senior in the entire city. What if I was also forced by the patron poker saints of Party to pay penance for my absence? (Is it me, or is that sentence strangely Peter Piper-ish?) My worry was for naught, however, as Party welcomed me back with open arms. I started out playing some Limit, but quickly decided that I craved a draught from the font of fishy action that is the PL25 game. After an early suckout that relieved me of half my stack, with some patience and some table hopping I drove my free money bankroll up to $138, nearly tripling my PL buy-in for the day. With some careful tread, I just may be able to build up a semi-respectable Party bankroll yet.

Later on, as afternoon turned into evening and my wife finished her schoolwork (remind me never to go for an MBA, just looking at her work makes my head hurt), we decided to humker down and watch some of the Dead Like Me episodes we recently received from NetFlix. Still riding my wave of good fortune (and being superstitious, as always), I figured it was high time I join in the PokerStars $3 + rebuys tourney to see if I could wrangle myself an entry into the weekly $200+15 tourney. It would give me a cheap something to do, since the jury is still out on this particular series. It’s not a bad show, but I can’t help but be lukewarm about it since I’m a big fan of Six Feet Under.

I haven’t played in the Stars rebuy satellite in many months, and as I registered I couldn’t help but wonder why I was playing now, but the poker gods were whispering sweet nothings into my ear so away I went.

Normally, I avoid rebuy tourneys like I avoid most of my family, which is to say, I don’t mind coming around as long as the investment is minimal. Like my family, rebuy tourneys have the innate ability to make insane at a rate that is nothing short of alarmingly fast. I know that conventional wisdom states that one should be prepared to rebuy several times if necessary, be prepared to take the add-on, and also be prepared to play looser than normal during the initial stages to try and build up a solid foundation of chips. I absolutely cannot do this, and I’m not sure exactly why, but I suspect a lot of it has to do once again with superstition, and the rest to do with pride/ego. Let me explain…

In the quagmire that is my brain, I figure why pay for extra chips? After all, there wil be PLENTY of chips for the taking due to all of the other folks trying to set a record for the number of rebuys purchased in the first half hour. If you have the patience coupled with the cards falling your way when you get a premium holding, it’s unnecessary to rebuy as you will win the chips you need. If, on the other hand, the cards are running horribly, multiple rebuys won’t help you in most situations, and you’ll end up wasting unnecessary amounts of cash. I know that in my case, chasing with rebuys only leads to disappointment, some tilt, and then more chasing, which is no good any way you look at it.

(OK, hang with me I’m almost done. I just want to get in a quick shameless brag)

Last night, I won my fifth $200+15 entry since PokerStars began these things, each one with no rebuys and no add-ons. Each time, I cash out and get the tournament dollars because they allow me to play in more expensive non-rebuy tourneys that I would not normally buy into. I always recoup my $3 spent and then some, plus just getting the win with no rebuys or add-ons is a big confidence and (I can’t lie) ego builder.

Worry not, though. I’m sure the poker gods, in their infinite wisdom and mocking, will take care of that sonuvabitch ego in pretty short order. When that happens (which will most likely be sooner rather than later) I will be relegated to Thinking Big, while my head remains Much Bigger.

What can you say?

What is it about a little virus that it has the ability to make a person so introspective? Not that I actually thought I was going to die or anything, but maybe it’s that the temporary breakdown of our bodily systems remind us (at least subconsciously) of our own mortality. Hell, maybe it’s simply because you don’t have the energy to take part activities which would otherwise distract.

I spent most of the last few days thinking about Iggy’s friend, Huggy Bear. It affected me a lot more than I thought it did when I first read about it. Thoughts of my friend’s wife, murdered in a totally random fashion, came flooding back into my mind as I read, driving me into a melancholy I haven’t experienced for quite some time. It pretty much comes down to this: I wouldn’t wish a tragedy like that on my worst enemy, no one should have to endure the loss of a spouse, and yet someone does every day. I didn’t have the words then, and I don’t really have them now. I suppose no one really does.

I guess the real reason I am prattling on about this is to remind everyone to take extra time to think about and appreciate those you love and hold dear. Let them know it, because we don’t have the luxury of knowing exactly how much more time any of us have as the moments pass us by.

While reading Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, I can across something I thought would be worth sharing:

“The world, [Govinda], is not imperfect or slowly evolving along a long path to perfection. No, it is perfect at every moment; every sin already carries grace within it, all small children are potential old men, all sucklings have death within them, all dying people—eternal life. It is not possible for one person to see how far another is on the way; the Buddha exists in the robber and dice player; the robber exists in the Brahmin. During deep meditation it is possible to dispel time, to see simultaneously all the past, present and future, and then everything is good, everything is perfect, everything is Brahman. Therefore, it seems to me that everything that exists is good—death as well as life, sin as well as holiness, wisdom as well as folly. Everything is necessary, everything needs only my agreement, my assent, my loving understanding; then all is well with me and nothing can harm me.”

This was for Huggy Bear, I wish him well.

New evidence.

As if I needed any more evidence illustrating the largesse of my head, I received some more today in a place where I never saw it coming….….

…the place (see: Torture Chamber) where one voluntarily goes to have their dirty little oral secrets laid bare…

The Dentist. (Cue scary music)

Without going into excruciatingly boring detail, due my neglect in flossing the teeth that are furthest back in my head, I ended up with one cavity on top and one on the bottom. So today I drag my still-ebola-ridden ass into the dentist to get it taken care of and be good for another 6 months. After having my face pretty much completely paralyzed on the left side, the dentist takes care of the first tooth and then tells me that I need to make an appointment for next week to take care of the bottom tooth.

“Why can’t we just get it over with now?” I ask.

“I’ve already given you over double the normal dose to properly numb the top row, since you’re so big. I just wouldn’t feel right if I dosed you with any more and then let you drive. Did you ever play football?”

Translation: Given the size of your ginormous head, and the fact that you’ve had enough Novocain to paralyze a rhino, I’m scared I might get sued or beat up if I give you any more. Please come back next week so I can torture you again with my miniature instruments of death.

I haven’t played a lick of poker due to the fact that I have to be at work while I'm sick, which means I go directly home and crash.. Being part-time means I don’t get any sick leave like the fancier full-time folks. Not that I’m horridly jealous, mind you. After all, my hourly rate is quite generous and, well, it’s PART-TIME. I’ll gladly trade a bit of sick leave for 15 less hours per week..

So, to sum up…

Still sick. Haven’t played any poker for three days. Blogged a dental visit.

Welcome to Sick, Large-Headed Blogger Hell. (I’ll do my damndest to have something better in a day or two, thanks for hangin’ around).

I just couldn't escape....

The household ebola monkey got me after all, so I don't think I'm going to be posting for the next few days. Geez, I never thought typing would be this exhausting....

My lame Super Bowl post.

Well, I actually watched most of the Super Bowl, even though I wasn’t planning on it. I had the idea to blog my thoughts on the commercials as it went along, but I only made it to halftime before I found myself intolerably bored. The end of the game was pretty good, but I just can’t help but be bored since I’m not football fan and know pretty much nothing about the game.

“How much nothing?” you ask. I couldn’t even point out the difference between a halfback and a fullback. Yeah, I’m lame.

So, without further ado, here are some observations before I got bored and quit:

Did anyone notice that the kid that flipped the coin didn’t really flip it? He just sorta tossed it up, I don’t even think it completed one revolution. I would have made him redo it, but it was nice of them not to. That kid was probably nervous as hell.

Here are my ratings for some of the commercials (Out of 10). Man, I sure do miss years gone by when the were better…..

• Bud Light skydiving commercial—Humorous, but you could see the pilot jump coming a mile away..—7.0

• PDiddy & Diet Pepsi – only mildly humorous—5.5

• FedEx/Kinkos w/ Burt Reynolds and top ten things needed to have the best commercial. Pretty damn Funny—9.0

• Bud Light w/ Cedric—Dumb, nuff said.—4.0

• Diet Pepsi w/ Cindy Crawford, that Queer eye dude and the Bee Gee’s song—6.0

• GoDaddy.com—The girl with big breastesses busting out of her shirt before a Senate Subcommittee. Best commercial so far—9.0

• Bud Light commercial with the cell cams—sadly formulaic—5.0

• Visa Check Card w/ superheroes—dumb—3.0

• Ameriquest where the guy on the cell gets his ass whipped for saying to the person on the phone “You got robbed”—Pretty funny—8.5

• Bud Light with the cockatoo—good one—7.5
  

And the winner is….it’s a TIE! My two favorites were the Fed Ex/Kinko’s and GoDaddy.com. There may have been better commercials during the second half, but like I said, I didn’t really watch.

Things went fairly well at the tables, however. After watching my wife weather some BRUTAL suckouts in two different SnG’s, I decided to hit the $.50/1 ring game on Stars since Party wasn’t treating me very well (I ended +4BB’s after 3 hours). For the first time in quite a while, we had a real live maniac at the table. I haven’t seen anyone burn through 50 BB’s like that since, well, the last time I was at Party. Thankfully, I was on the receiving end of some good cards, and one big thing that helped was the fact there was no ‘schooling effect’. Everyone knew enough to get out of each others way and isolate the maniac, leading him to lose most of his $50 stack in about 45 minutes. Hooray, I got my grubs on 24 of those dollars.

I think I need to get in some live play to get my game reenergized. It finally dawned on me, the fact that I only play one table at a time means I don’t get in very many hands per week AT ALL. After doing some quick and very unscientific math, I figure I’m getting maybe 500 hands per week on average as of late, not counting tourneys, of course. The bankroll continues to grow, but at a real snails pace.

What kind of things do you all do to get juiced up about the game during an unmotivated slump? I’m really at a loss and having a hard time finding the motivation to put in more serious time. Shouldn’t the money be enough? Probably, but it doesn’t seem to be at the moment.

My apologies if this post was completely lame, but I’m currently resisting that which the ebola monkey (my wife) is spreading throughout the house. It prevents me from Thinking Big like I should. Why can’t it keep my head from being Much Bigger? I guess we’ll never know….

A New Prohibition

“Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it”
—George Santayana

I thought that it would be a good thing to link to an article I ran across today on CNet for those who don’t really frequent any tech websites. The ‘War on Gambling’ gets ever closer, so take every chance you get to speak out on it. Write a letter to your representatives and send it multiple times, talk about it with others, anything we can do is better than nothing.

Prohibition in the 20’s didn’t work, and it won’t work now, but I don’t really feel like having to actually go through it before the powers that be finally acquiesce.

CardPlayer’s Roy Cooke wrote a good article this month about the efforts currently underway to get an actual professional organization going for poker. At this point I’m not going to be too critical or picky. Given the choice, I will normally rail against big corporate interests, but at the present find myself cheering the larger players like the WPT and (God help me) Harrah’s.

How can I possibly cheer on Harrah’s knowing (thanks to Felicia) the way they stick it to players with massive juice?

Simple, WPT and Harrah’s both have a lot of money and influence in the sphere. At this point I’ll take anything I can get in order to counter the likes of the Christian Coalition and others of their ilk. After we arrive at the point where we can worry less about the prohibition of our sport, game, pastime, whatever you want to call it, then we can focus all of our efforts onto the likes of Harrah’s for screwing over the player. I’m not saying we should ignore those issues, but I fear that if we get too focused on ‘smaller’ issues like that, we may just miss the forest for the trees.

Since bloggers seem to be organizing into something a bit more official as of late (see: WPBT), perhaps we can help push back the new (well, not exactly new) prohibition tide. Technically, playing online is illegal for many of us in the states that we live in, but right now there isn’t that great of a push to get your door busted down. If things keep going along as they are with the current (and what seems like ever present) ‘morality push’, we could end up being the new poster children of degradation and recipients of a showboating administrative crackdown.

We should try to get in and help out on this issue. We may just end up helping out the poker community more than we ever anticipated.

It's Fridaaaaaay

I’ve been buried neck deep in Javascript and other ‘maintenance’ activities, and I almost forgot…Today is Unnecessary Shit day.

Since there is no visual for today (due to the fact that it didn’t even cross my mind until just now), here is some completely Unnecessary Shit I heard on the news last night. Neither example is funny, unfortunately, and both are actually pretty sad.

#1—It turns out that the Kansas Legislature has voted to officially ban gay marriage (yeah, I know, BIG surprise). Everyone knows that if two people of the same sex are married, it automatically gives them license to come fuck your kids and take all of the health and retirement benefits from the upstanding hetero folks. (I sincerely hope everyone recognizes the utter sarcasm in that statement)

They had blurbs from two ministers in town, one supporting and one opposing. The one supporting said something fairly innocuous and vanilla, but the other said this:

“This issue is MUCH more important than any other tax, school funding, or deficit issue we face”

Jeeeeeeee.Zus. My state sucks.

#2—Free Texas Hold’em at various sports bars and the like all over the city have been deemed illegal in an opinion issued by the office of the Kansas Attorney General.

This is nothing new to anyone, as I’m sure that any of the cities that you all currently reside in have something at least similar, if not identical, to this. The cops have been told they are basically free to bust any of these games should the mood strike them, because even if the bar charges a cover every single night of the week, it is still illegal to play poker because money is changing hands, even if it isn’t at the tables.

Man, I sure am glad we have such a fantastic state government. One that cares enough to protect me from degenerates pushing their habit onto me. (dammit, there’s the sarcasm, again)

Ack, this state bloooooows. I gotta move.

So there is your Unnecessary Shit. Hopefully next week it will be amusing instead of sad.

One Last Thing….

In my reading of The Poker Chronicles and the recent back and forth with another player from the WPBT on Wednesday, I started thinking. (I know, hard to believe considering the above drivel, but I swear I was. ) It would be cool to hear about how some of the bloggers who play for higher stakes got there. What levels did they start out with, what kind of roll, etc…hell, whatever stories they want to tell would be more than fine. I know vaguely how SirFWALGMan got up to where he was (and have also been glued to my screen due to his recent tumble and object lesson on tilting). I also very much enjoyed BadBlood’s backstory (Dec 26) when he officially became profitable.

I guess what I’m saying is that if any of the higher level players would like to disseminate some stories of small time days gone by, it would be quite well received by this $.50/1 micro-plebe. Or, you can just tell me to spend more time digging in archives because they’ve all been told already (if you do tell me this, give me a link, as it will be much easier on this lazy blogger).

OK, I’m stopping now. Stop by SirFWALGman to send him some positivity and wish him well, the dude is going through some rough shit.

Until next time, I’m striving to Think Big, and my head is Much Bigger.

My shame, laid bare...

Welcome to one of about 100 or so other reports where the blogger in question details their shame.

I think my dog Stella’s face most accurately reflects my post-tourney look and feel—

But I did learn a few things last night, including but not limited to…..

• Just because beer has wheat and/or barley in it, this does not make it a substitute for a meal if you arrive home from work hungry and about to play cards.

• Unless you have Iggy or CantHang somewhere in your name, alcohol may not be the best idea when playing against other folks who can obviously play well. It turns what is under the best of circumstances –EV into just a plain bad idea.

• That I can’t wait until the next one, and will strive to make a stronger (and more sober) showing.

I exited in a shameful 122^nd place when mirvin(Austin) took my ass, kicked it around, and then handed it back as he/she said goodbye. A quick recap of my last hand…

--AJs in middle position, I limp (first mistake), mirvin limps, someone else completes or checks, not sure which. Sorry I can’t remember who else was in the hand, I was going to take notes, but the beer told me not to.

--Flop comes J A Q rainbow. First to act bets T150 and I raise to T450, mirvin call so quick I almost didn’t see it. The part of me that has the ability to Think Big started screaming “ABORT!”, but the beer told me that two pair here was the mortal nuts and I should push. Guess which one I listened to?

--mirvin takes all of my chips with the flopped nut straight.

Here is the last thing I learned (I hope for the last time):

• AJ really is a shopaholic whore. I think I’m gonna have to choke a bitch.

In my 41 minutes of tourney life I got to play with Bob and ChrisH, which was great fun. I am disappointed not for the money, but for the fact I didn’t get a chance to chat with any of the others. I hung around and watched some of the other tables a bit and even tried to say “HI” while watching Otis, April, and Hank play around the first break. I don’t really remember what I typed (the fuzziness was well set in by this time), but given the lack of response I’m guessing it was pretty f’n idiotic.

Congrats to everyone who got did well, as it was no small feat. I’m going to go jump into some sackcloth and ashes, chastise myself for the rest of the day, and will talk to you tomorrow where I will try to resume Thinking Big, while my head will stay Much Bigger.

Update: I forgot to mention I played with and learned of FHB and his blog, which is a great read., as well as BrentStacks of Lord Admiral Radio. Looks like I’ve got some more linking work to do.

Getting close

Are you getting totally pumped?




Unlike most boring Wednesdays, this one comes with a WPBT event. Head to PokerStars and signup under the Private Tourney tab. Password: the hammer.

"But I'm only a reader, I'm not a blogger," you say? It matters not, the tourney is open to all.

Grab a drink and get your gameface on. Heck, you might even win some money.

--Don't forget, if I manage to claw my way to one of the top four places, I'll be transferring the entry fee back to the bubble boy/girl--

See you all there!