Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wednesday--More humpish than the other days.

Hitting the sauce seems in order. I had a friend from work who was able to find me some Raki, a liquor (liqueur?) that I first had when I was deployed in Turkey. I have had the damndest time up until now finding any here in the US (I suspect this is becasue it's Turkish), so today's development was nothing short of fantastic as acquiring more of this fine liquid is something I have long looked forward to.

Tonight I dine on Milk of the Brave Men.

1 bottle Raki, 1 bottle water, 1 glass

Add Raki

Add water. Mmmm, milk for the brave man.

Delicious, brave, and perfect for Wednesday humping. Cheers, and here's to not being at war...yet. Continuing on a completely random note....

Today was an exciting mail day, as this is the day that the ValuePak arrived. Tonights "Best Advertising Leaflet" goes to The Hemorrhoids Treatment Center. The slogan:

HEMORRHOIDS: A Problem Worth Solving

I couldn't agree more. I'm thinking of applying some preemptive Preparation H right now.

I'd also like to give a special mention to the Hebrew National Hot Dog, one of my favorites. I've had three today in an effort to ease the pain of physical therapy.

You keep eating those things, you'll turn into a Jew...

Who said that?

I'd like to state for the record that the views of the peanut gallery do not necessarily reflect the views of the Human Head. The Human Head is in no way affiliated with the racist and loud italicized peanut gallery.

(another post is up at LVV. Bush-League Craftiness, if you're so inclined)

You stay classy Intertubes, and thanks for stopping by.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

New LVV Content

Malice and Incompetence

(credit to BG for the afternoon news alert which compelled me to forego that nap I was looking forward to...)

Sunday, March 18, 2007

There was a street brawl in front of my house just now.

No, I am not kidding.

It was between pigeons.

It was awesome.

Climbing the Ladder

It was with a heavy heart that I trudged my ass back into work today, although I found myself nominally excited at the prospect of watching some crappy cable news (even though deep down I knew said excitement would likely last no more than 20 minutes).

Unfortunately for me, it seems that during my absence there was another fucking re-org. Wow, color me seriously unhappy and annoyed. I’m not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that we just had one a month before I departed, which makes for a total of three in less than a year.

Christ, it’s like I’m working for my brother’s kids.

Embrace change, my ass. These fuckers have no idea what they’re doing—unless it involves avoiding responsibility (i.e. work, in general) and talking for hours on end without actually saying anything (preferably through concurrent meetings which will run late).

Another operations group has now been (for the most part) fully integrated with mine, and with the new folks came new monitoring tools, which now take up the remaining plasma screen on which CNN used to babysit me through a boring shift. The integration of this new group is, of course, being labeled as a “learning opportunity” mixed in with some prattle having to so with “world-class service”.

It should go without saying that henceforth I will be concluding every phone call taken at work with “You got world-class served!” I may tack “bitch” onto the end of that, depending on current mood and/or circumstances, and I may also break dance to drive home any points I want to make.

We’ll just have to wait and see, there’s a lot of room for creativity.

For example, when I start giving the finger to everyone who speaks to me at work because of their re-org-ing, I’ll have to remember to tell my bosses (at the eventual meeting I’ll be called to) that it wasn’t really the finger I just gave, but rather an “employee relations management challenge presenting an opportunity for individual and departmental success”. It will be very impressive while wearing my salmon-colored shirt and Bluetooth headset.

I expect someone will promptly propose making my issue an action item and then put me in charge of something since I will have, at that point, ceased doing any actual work, thus becoming a top candidate for new management. Once the promotion takes effect it will remain to be seen whether or not I will be able to give more of the finger or less. It won’t matter, I suspect, as I will be known from that point on as “the guy that gave so-and-so the finger”.

If all else fails, I suppose I could hire a stunt finger to handle my confrontations for me since I’ll be busy “managing”.