It’s funny how as we age, different things in our lives take on an ever changing significance. When I was in the sixth grade, the most important thing in my life was whether or not I was going to get the Air Jordans I wanted that would surely rocket me to popularity, fame, and fortune (I didn’t get them). It seems silly thinking back on it, but not that silly, because I’m still a shoe freak, only now it’s not for the fame or fortune my footwear could potentially bring, I’m simply neurotic.
Friday, June 2
7 AM—Begin freaking out that I’m going to forget to bring something important. Things I might also be freaking out about may include, but are not limited to, suddenly having the vocabulary files in my brain corrupted and being unable to form an intelligent sentence upon meeting everyone, arriving in Vegas to be greeted with the realization that during the plane ride some unspeakable monstrosity has grown out of my forehead rendering me unlookatable (see:hideous), or I have simply booked my trip a week early or late.
11 AM--- Arrive at the airport. Yeah, I’m one of those punctual early freaks, too. This will also allow me time to debate with the Gestapo **aherm, oops** TSA/Homeland Security personnel about the logic of banning lighters but allowing matches on the aircraft. If you don’t see me the entire weekend, it means I was a little too vigorous in my debate and am now vacationing in a room with no windows.
1:10 PM---Get pissed off at the passive aggressive schmucks that should be boarding with Group 3 who start crowding the line trying to get on early even though they have barely even begun boarding Group 1. It will be annoying because now I will be forced to make a soccer mom feel like an ass because she didn’t think anyone would call her out on her bullshit. I will then be even more annoyed that she doesn’t feel like an ass, she will still think this is perfectly OK and that she can’t believe I’m so rude. Fuck her, and her parachute pants and fanny pack.
1:45 PM--- Take off. I hope.
2:25 PM--- Arrive in Vegas, forget the rest of the world exists.
3:10 PM--- Arrive at the Golden Nugget, hope that the $20 under the credit card works some magic in getting us some sort of upgrade. To boost the magic, we will tastelessly make out and make sure everyone within 25 yards is aware that we are on our honeymoon.
3:25 PM--- Enter suite (I’m thinking positive), drop bags, and make a mental not to thank Pauly for the tipping tip. I always make sure to grease palms liberally when in Vegas, but for some reason I never considered doing it at the hotel desk.
4:15 PM--- Head out and peruse Freemont a bit, then off for the obligatory shopping.
8 PM--- Dinner at Elements in the Aladdin. I always like to have at least one outrageously expensive meal while in Vegas.
10 PM--- Grab helmet and mace.
After this, God only knows……
Due to the schedule, I likely won’t make it to the
*sigh* Five more days. Must settle down. Don’t want anticipation to peak too early….