…and we’ll all get to kick ’05 the fuck on out of here. With that in mind, I’m going to be partying like its 1999, which was way better. Ummm, minus the puking, that wasn’t very much fun, but you get the idea.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
At the Head household, the 2005 holidays ended up being a bit lackluster (as holidays are traditionally defined), but upon reflection I can still say it was good. I’m looking at it as a sort of “working holiday.” Why?
I’m glad you asked.
Yes, dammit, be patient.
Monday, December 26, 2005
If there was ever a sign that it’s time to leave this motherfucker, it was this holiday season. In the spirit of Pauly’s Redneck
What the fuck??
They cannot possibly be at it again already.
The baby drives?
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
On the heels of Mrs. Head’s “I miss you guys” post, this day is compelling me to do something similar, as summed up in this story of a co-worker. For the purposes of my little story, we’ll just call her “M.”
- Why can’t I find Nouveau (a local salon) in the phone book? There’s New Horizons, New Point, but no New Voe? Can somebody help me? (**destroys eardrums with dull screwdriver**)
- Women are usually much more meticulant than men, hee hee hee. Meticulant? Yeah, is that not right? Umm, I think meticulous is the word you’re looking for. Really? Nuh-uuuuh. You’re just messing with me, right? (**rips own tongue out**)
- Why won’t this thing work? (referring to cell phone) I dial a number and hit the red call button and nothing happens! I’ve tried it five times now and it still won’t work! I think it might be broken. (No, dear reader, I’m not kidding)
- How come no one is answering me? Is anyone in here? (**shoot self in the FACE. Concentration broken for the umpteenth time**)
- I don’t see how my butt is so big. I walk up and down the stairs at my house lots. (**there are no words**)
**channels Napolean Dynamite** “Yeees”
“It was good. Best trip ever, in fact.”
“I’ve been to Vegas. I like it. I like playing roulette, but it’s hard to figure out.”
“…..” (**trying to remember the number for 911 because my brain has just locked up due to being completely incredulous**)
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
After two days that brought increasing physical punishment, Rachel and I found ourselves in the midst of Sportsbook Sunday at
My martini was perfect. Only the slightest hint of vermouth rode out on the back end following the first cold swallow, a beautiful thing. I was slightly amazed that they actually had the bleu cheese olives I desired, but the look on the bartenders face said that he would be shocked if it were any other way. I was additionally satisfied at the size of the drink itself, as nothing begins to kindle annoyance quite like paying $10-12 for a cocktail and finding that it’s no bigger than the drinks found at the most middle of the road joints.
Monday, December 19, 2005
From the desk of Mrs. Human Head
Monday night in the Head Household:
“I want to write a guest post. I miss everyone”
“So write one”
“But I don’t know what to write”
“Sure you do. There’s a million shits to write about”
I guess one truly has no excuse when the existence of a million shits to write about is right there in front of them. I am especially moved to try to write something because, after returning to work and telling the tales (some of them) to co-workers, they SO didn’t get it. I need to talk to you guys. You get it. So here I am, feeling overwhelmed with the things that I want to say to all of you who helped to make this gathering even better (who would have thought) than the last.
If I were to say to Spaceman how great it was to see him again, and to meet his wonderful wife, I wouldn’t really know where to begin. We ran into them before we had met up with anyone else and it was a great pleasure getting to sit down and talk with them before all of the full-on partying began.
At the MGM, many people were instantly recognizable: Maigrey, Gracie, Helixx, and Maudie, to name but a few (this is where the events get a bit fuzzy) and I would like to tell all of them that this was not near enough time together, but I’m not sure I would know how to put it into words. I can’t wait until next time in Vegas, the next gathering at the boat house, or any other excuse to get together.
Some of the other faces that I got to see a little bit more of, though still not enough include Joe Speaker and his lovely wife, Joaquin, Stb and Mr. and Mrs. Can’t Hang (sorry, Eva). I would be especially hard pressed to say how great it was to meet Mrs. Speaker or to adequately thank Mr. Speaker for joining my hubby in a demonstration of faith in my mad roshambo skills.
Getting to sit down for a wonderful dinner with BG, Poker Prof, April, Bill Rini and OnTHG was a definite highlight. Something that we don’t get to do too often ‘round these parts (of hell) is enjoy a nice dinner with others that appreciate something more highbrow than Applebee’s or On the Border.
Also, there were several new faces that I had a great time getting to talk with (and in some cases, take their money): Change100, BigMike, FTrain (thanks), Fact Girl, Poker Stage, Daddy, TrumpJosh, TP, and Phil Gordon (thanks).
Most of all, I really wouldn’t know how to describe the fun I had with those that we spent probably the most time with: Pauly, Derek, Iggy, Spaceman (though not enough time with Rachel) and Jaxia. You guys are amazing and I had more fun than I would have thought possible.
So, there it is. Words are not even remotely adequate for summing up my feelings about such a great group of people that, through the organizational genius of many, and several unseen forces have all found one another. It doesn’t seem possible.Thanks Everyone!
I was going to try to do a thorough documentation of the shenanigans of the WPBT event, but now that I’m over the sickness and combing my way through the other accounts out there I don’t really think it’s necessary. Most of the stories are best when related orally or not at all. Four days of “you needed to be there” moments (i.e. meeting Daddy) that make get-togethers like these the place you should be and make them worth every penny you’ll spend getting there.
- A review of 3950 at
- A review of Bouchon at the Venetian.
- A review of Mon Ami Gabi at
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Mmmmmm, blogger flu, what a wonderful thing. I’m not really complaining, though. It’s my own damn fault for hugging people even though I knew they weren’t feeling well. It also gave me the excuse I needed to stay home today. It’s nice to sit, write, and watch all of my DVR’d Family Guy episodes I haven’t seen yet while running a fever. Before I even get this thing started, just let me say that my sleep deprived and other-than-sober condition the entire time may lead to several omissions and/or miscellaneous story fuck-ups. Feel free to correct me if necessary.
1,2,3! Rock vs. Paper. Phil Gordon-1. Oh boy.
1,2,3! Rock vs. Rock. Tie. Tension mounting, people are getting quieter.
1,2,3! Rock vs. Rock. Tie. Tension is high now. All I can do is mutter, “C’mon baby. Get this motherfucker…” Joe leaned over, “Don’t worry dude, she’s got him.”
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
We're home now, safe and sound. Okay, safe, but certainly less than sound. I feel like a Yugo that decided playing chicken with an 18-wheeler would be a good idea. I will be spending the next few days perusing the specials at Lungs-n-Livers R Us and hope I can stave off whatever disease that carrier monkey Gracie was incubating.
Dropping the Hammer on video poker at the Geisha Bar at 8 AM after 8 Heini’s and no sleep. Time. After. Time. In retrospect, constantly drawing to the Hammer Nuts may not have been a good idea, especially considering how difficult it is to hit a Royal Flush when implementing this “they’ll never see me comin’” strategy.
Monday, December 12, 2005
All right boys and girls, gather around for a little story. It’s gonna be a great one. You might laugh, you might cry, but most likely you will just be confused. Don’t’ worry yourself, though, you won’t be any more confused than I am at the moment.
The total trip time for the Mrs. and me is about 4.25 days. It is now about 4:30 PM on Day 3 (Monday) and I’ve been up for the last 38 hours, moving for about 30 of those. Sitting here at the wobbly table in our hotel room, I am having trouble coming up with words to describe the whirlwind of the last three days and there is still over a full day left to go. Here are a couple of tidbits…
--(Friday) You knew this was coming, but I found myself Human-Bobbleheaded drunk at the MGM mixed game. Poker played on Friday=0. I did get to meet Daddy, though, a rare and important event. That guy is a role model.
--(Friday) Mrs Head wins a $20 Roshambo match with F-Train (former blogsphere master champeen and all around helluva guy). Joe and I each put $100 on her to challenge and beat Phil Gordon at Roshambo. She does so with style in front of a packed poker room. I vaguely remember yelling “Oh, tits!” or “Oh, snap!” or something to this effect and then carrying her on my shoulders for a small victory lap. I’m a fookin’ reatard. Phil Gordon=Tilted. DonkeyPuncher really is Usher. Thanks, Commish!
--(Saturday) The tornado finally touched down (what other metaphor did you expect me to use? I’m live in fuckin’ Kansas) and the day goes by in a complete blur with all of the tourney festivities. The highlight of my day was taking $5 off Wil when I picked StudioGlyphic for the win. Thank God I actually scratched out a few notes, because the bar was open like a porn star with a deep itch to scratch. Worry not, we beat that thing inside out. The only poker of the day was played in the tournament, where I exited around 63rd. Poorly played on all streets is all I can say about that, but I did drop the hammer on Shelly.
--(Sunday) Betting on horses at the sportsbook and hanging out with the group. There was a lot of pain as, once again, the Chiefs choked and I didn’t hit a single damn horse. Licked my wounds at 3950 in Mandalay Bay with Mrs. Head, BG, Bill Rini, THG, April, and PokerProf. I’ll have my thoughts on the restaurant in a few days, but the one thing I do know is that our waitress made at least $300 in tips from that meal. Brutal but worth it.
--(Monday, 9 AM) I haven’t slept the entire night. Played craps with Mrs. Head, Jen Leo, Biggestron, CJ, Travis, Royal, Jaxia, and Pauly at the Casino Royale after a bender in the AlCanthang Crew Penthouse. Left at around 3 AM (maybe it was later) to continue bending and ended up in a 2/4 game at the IP with Iggy, TP, Pauly, Derek, Jaxia, and later in the early morn, GeekandProud. Ridiculous pots. I counted a total of four hands that weren’t live-straddled and played in the dark. Suckout donkey fun of the highest caliber, with the extra bonus being the extreme tilt of four different 2/4 pro’s who were sitting at the table when we took it over. Left the game at about 6 AM or so and drank Hieneken with the boys until about 11. I have finally earned my degenerate merit badge for this trip.
Of course, this is brief. So, so damn brief. Besides, it’s hard to write much more when all I can do is sit here and hope that at sometime in my life I will see my ultimate dream realized; Hot-swappable feet. Mine hurt so bad I feel like I’m walking around on nubs. If my vision was clearer, I might be able to check. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to head out again to drop the hammer on an unsuspecting video poker machine (I’ve got pics, but I have to wait to post them because I forgot the cable from my camer.). first trip report installment should be sometime Thursday if I’m still alive.
At 39 hours, I’ve got $20 on Death to win.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Boy, I sure wanted to do more posts than the zero I have done thus far this week, but ’05 is making sure it gets some licks in before making an exit, which has put me on some serious life tilt. Quite a few bloggers seem to be getting bashed by ‘05’s flailing exit as well, so I won’t complain in detail as is my tendency. Sometimes it’s just your turn to get bashed in the groin a few times, whether you deserve it or not. One just has to suck it up and press on, even if it is easier to say than to do most of the time.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
First, make sure to head on over to give Otis and Joe their deserved accolades for showing NaNoWriMo who’s boss by successfully hitting the 50K word benchmark. Enduring such a month of writing is definitely a tall order, so heap some praise on what are two of the ‘sphere’s best wordsmiths.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that nearly each and every new day brings a fresh annoyance with which I must deal. The latest?
Anyone who knows me at all knows that nearly each and every new day brings a fresh annoyance with which I must deal. The latest?
How about Take Your Child to Get a Credit Card Tuesday?
Throw the College Fund into the Economy Thursday? Anyone?
I am, however, very thankful for the few things that do not make my giant head want to explode—
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Have 1 can of whip cream handy
Tin of cinnamon
Friday, November 25, 2005
At of 3 P.M. today, I reached the summit of
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I have stuck primarily with Pokerstars for my online pokering since I began, and they have never disappointed—from their customer support to nice software and of course, the tournaments. They were doing it right before anyone else. So a huge thanks to them for their WPBT support. If you’ve been under a rock or in a third world country, go read this to get up to speed. Sure I’ve strayed over to other sites, but Stars has always been my first love. That punk bitch PartyPoker thinks she’s all that and a bag of chips, sending me ultimatums and taking back my player points. She can keep ‘em, stupid bitch; I don’t care how good the fishing is.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Man, it’s hard to even put into words the size and ruggedness of the steel-toed boots poker strapped on yesterday and this morning. She laced ‘em up tight and went to work on my junk like a man-hating Lifetime producer. So here I sit with an icepack on my nuts and a fistful of anti-depressants, writing to you, dear reader, on the verge of a massive tilt-induced coronary of SirWaffle proportions minus the bankroll destruction.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Hey there, old friend! Smell that smell? Yep, I know ya do. It’s that sweet familiar smell of winter in the fucking
It appears that my wish will be granted on Dec. 9th
Shit. That’s still too far away.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
All you can do is get your money in with the best of it, but even that does no good if the doom switch is turned on. I kid, but now I have to spend the next couple of hours easing off of the pre-tilt I can feel rising inside me. Worst Feeling in the World, especially when you know intellectually that there is no reason to feel like that. With a finish in 62nd in Pauly’s tourney, rest assured I’m going to have to shove 14 horseshoes in my ass before the final one in order to have any chance at the iPod. No pain, No gain.