Masturdebating

There are now less than 24 hours before folks begin breaking out the tequila and attempting to injure themselves with it while workers at the Corona bottling plant enjoy the beginnings of what I can only think to call the “surge” season. Frat boys and Paris-a-like’s rejoice. Begin your pilgrimages to the Fat Tuesday’s of the world, Cinco is nearly upon us.


The savages know it as Cinco de Mayo. Go crazy, spread liberally.

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Here are my hastily scrawled notes/thoughts while watching last night’s GOP debates online (I missed the first 15 mins), trying not to rave too much while on the girly chat with BG, cook dinner, and catch up on at least some of the news I haven’t had time to stay current with this week.

(this stuff took me a bit to translate, an unavoidable consequence of combining feverish speed with left-handedness)

--Am I watching a séance? These freaks will not stop invoking Reagan. Thankfully Ron Paul has avoided embarrassing himself by not doing so.

--Iran, scary, nuclear, nuclear, nuclear, jihad, global jhad, Hezbollah, Hamas, Iran, scary, imply 9/11, tragedy, scary, security, help Israel, enemies, allies, Iran scary, terrorist, terrorist, nuclear, nuclear, nuclear

--Romney really, really likes this War of Civilizations idea. His war boner is as big as McCain or Ghouliani’s—he just has better pleats in his slacks to obfuscate it. (the word “obfuscate” took the longest to translate this morning. On the page, it’s more like an “o” followed by some sort of mad foreign chicken scribble. It’s either “obfuscate” or I’ve begun writing “in tongues” due to unintentional fits of Holy Sprit drunkenness—Cinco IS coming, you know.)

--Brownback—**make turd joke on upcoming post** (how anyone can hear that name, know anything about the guy, and NOT think about some variation of the stinky brown matter of our lives is beyond me. Juvenile? Perhaps. Don’t care.)

--Haven’t heard the word (or discussion of) habeas, rendition, wiretapping, or torture yet. Wonder how long the odds are I will hear all three, let alone any one discussed in any depth whatsoever? -

-Ghouliani (in particular, seem to love DBs) and everyone else jumping on National ID bandwagon. Paul (finally gets a few seconds) says opposite. Matthews gives Romney/Ghouliani a take-back freebie. Both respond, Oh, I was talking about only illegal aliens. Oh, I thought you knew that, that I/we made that clear. **Christ, what a farce this is**

Those are my notes. Like I said, there was a lot going on. Ron Paul got screwed, which was not unexpected, as he is/was the only thinking individual on that stage. The “debate” was at the same time and in equal parts both sad and frightening to watch in all of its farcical glory.

Per usual, Glenn Greenwald has some great observations of his own.

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And in “GW throws people a bone” headlines, he is threatening to veto the new Hate Crimes Bill (HR 1592). As much as I despise the guy, this is a veto I’m cheering, for what I hope would be obvious reasons. One has only to look over at Britain to see what kind of politically correct neo-lib hell this bill will eventually rain down on our heads. If Bush is lying (which is certainly not out of the realm of distinct possibility) and does sign this bill, we will be a much larger step closer to true thought-crime.

I can hear the confusion now. How in the world do I rave against Bush and most everything GOP/fundamental Christianist but say that I cheer him in this spot?

Herein lies my biggest frustration with a lot of the lefty blogs/news orgs I read. All of these otherwise intelligent people (and I’m really referring to sides of the fence here) are still locked into an idiotic all-or-nothing mindset. Rather than rationally think for themselves, they latch on to simplistic logic combined with their vehement “I hate that guy” attitude (which many times is in large part justified) to fuel them in their primarily emotion-based contrary actions whether or not those actions make any real sense. In no way does my support for this veto mean that I support any sort of religious or sexual orientation motivated violence, although I’m sure that many will gloss right over these words and accuse me of the same.

What violent crime isn’t motivated by hate on some level? If someone is beaten to death with this law in place, will the murderer in question suddenly be required to argue that he did so “dispassionately” in order to avoid extra years in prison, or, when it comes out that the victim was a Greco Indian gay tranny wiccan are the extra years simply tacked on automatically?

Regardless, stupid people everywhere will breathe a sigh of relief that another “hateful monster” was put away thanks to the new Hate Crime Laws and its fantastic protections. Unfortunately the Matthew Shepards of the world will still be dead, more will continue piling up, and nobody will acknowledge it, other than to scream for still tougher Hate Crime Bills and more stringent gun control. Politicians, whores that they are, will continue with the same promises of results via “tough new laws” that they “guarantee” will not affect your Free Speech Rights.

If you believe that the practical application of this will not affect Free Speech, I’ve got a lucrative real estate deal you’ll probably find intriguing, as well. Again, go see how the folks over in Britain are doing with hate crime laws and study the reality of just how unaffected their free speech is. For god’s sake, they’ve got frickin’ special police squads that go “undercover” in restaurants trying to bust people for “hate speech”. The War on Hate seems like a load of fun for the average Briton.

It is in this way that, just like with War on Drugs/Terror/etc., the “War on Hate” will become institutionalized with bigger budgets, louder rhetoric, and even less favorable results. These laws won’t breed less hate, they will breed more because every single group, large and small, will be fighting with the others trying to gain the title of “most victimized”, thus gaining the greater share of Federal assistance and favor.

How many black males, battered housewives, and bashed gays (who know from experience that law enforcement will provide them little or no help, and likely the opposite) will we have to find out about before people start realizing that the government can’t, won’t, and doesn’t care to “take care” of anyone but itself? Remember this: The local police in Virginia were ordered by the Feds to stand down and not rush the building and interrupt the psychotic on a killing spree.

Laws like this are just another example of less power for the individual/citizenry and more for the Federal apparatus-a bad thing for thinking people anywhere, regardless of race, creed, gender, or political bent.

Not a fun thought to deal with, to be sure, but one that must be nonetheless confronted with some reality and clear thinking lest we become still further bogged down in the politically correct machine, a place where the chance of extricating ourselves from it become slim to none.

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Here are a few other items that should have made big news, but somehow managed to escape the vigilant watch of our national corporate media, who evidently don’t find these issues to be “issues”.

All Telcos will be immune for helping wield the police state hammer. Justice, baby. Not only blind, but evidently retarded as well. Plus, even though they’ve supposedly “shut it down”, the government still says it can spy on you whenever. The words "brazen" and "flouting" seem appropriate here.

US and EU agree to single market. As for US media reporting on this, it was VERY scant. That must be because it’s not important, right? Your new bosses in Brussels will be kind. They promise.

And lastly, another look to Britain—where it’s becoming easier and easier to punish truth. Secret trials...delicious.

That’s it. Now go get your Cinco on. Cheers.

How did you get this number?

How goes it folks?

It’s been said that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I wonder why they never mention the fact that it also makes Jack cranky and exhausted.

Oh, right. I’m here to speak about focusing on the positive.

Today at work I received a phone call from a lady in Finance (o god, an accountant), who was evidently having some sort of voicemail issue. Shoving aside the discussion on how and why Enterprise VoIP (in addition to telecommunications systems and companies that must be dealt with in relation to said systems, in general) makes me want to shoot myself in the face, I’ll simply make note of the way this lady commenced an unstoppable blathering as soon as I answered the phone.

I’m not sure how widespread this is in general, but I’m increasingly finding that intra-company calls don’t have near the decorum they had even six months ago. Is it not only customary, but courteous in general to identify yourself over the phone to someone with whom you DO NOT have regular dealings? Not only do these people in question increasingly fail to say who they are, but also display a tendency to immediately begin demanding things (as soon as I courteously identify myself).

Although, it does seem like most of these types are the ones who specifically should not even have my direct line telephone number in the first place. Note to self: Yell at boss AGAIN at the next opportunity to stop giving out our number willy-nilly and encouraging these people to just “give us a call”. Regardless, if things keep going as they have, I’m going to have no choice but to up the intensity level of my telephonic rebukes. And I mean no choice. Things are just escaping my lips before I even know they’re gone, which brings me back to the Finance creature.

At long last I managed to stem her oral diuretics long enough to get the info necessary to pull documentation and see who was working on her issue. I began to read through the notes to get some idea of what was really happening. The tech in question had “fixed” the problem that was never really a problem. This was a PEBKAC* issue. Right when I started to try and tell her about it, she received an email stating that her issue had been resolved.

*Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Of course, she, being from Finance, kept informing me in no uncertain terms that the problem was NOT fixed and that so-and-so (who I am evidently supposed to know, more poor etiquette) tried to call and couldn’t leave a voicemail.

Did it ever occur to you that the person who tried to call you may be every bit as, if not more, empty-headed than you are!?!?

That’s what I screamed in my head, not out loud. I was still hanging on but only by a thread. I wanted only to explain in one simple sentence that I would have the tech call her when he returned from his meeting. No joy, the oral diarrhea was flowing once more.

Since I had been interrupted from other work by taking the call in the first place, I told her I was reading more notes while I worked on the issue she originally interrupted, making her wait. She didn’t notice, of course, opting instead to go into a holding pattern of “pleasant talk.”

“How is your day going?”

I’m sorry, did you just ask me something and then actually stop making noise?

“It’s not bad (till you called me- be amicable, be amicable), you know, for being at work. (I wouldn’t really say I’ve been missing it, Bob)

“Well, at least you’re getting a paycheck, right?”

“Uhhhhh, yeaaaaah.

Thanks, lady. What a new and positive revelation sure to add meaning and uplift me as I go about the rest of my day. Thanks for “Paying it Forward” or whatever the fuck it is you’re doing.

“I just always try to focus on the positive”

(I wish I was podcasting this, so I could do the voice. Ewww, the whiny, trying to compensate for inner misery by erecting a shield of pop-religio-psychobabble-positivity bullshit to cover it in the hopes that everyone will think she's just as happy as she's trying to put on, voice)

“What does it profit a man if he gains all the world’s riches, but loses his soul?”

Whoa! Where did that come from?

Dead silence, and that is not an exaggeration-she stopped cold. The only other word out of her mouth for the (quite shortened) remainder of our conversation was, “okay.” Telling the story makes my head flash with visions of her still at the desk holding the phone, blinking, these 11 hours later.

Funny, yes, but also slightly disconcerting was my own Hershey Squirt of the mouth. One minute I’m trying to maintain cordiality in the face of all that is awful, and the next finds me tossing a Scriptural/philosophical brick on a woman who, judging from her ability to work a telephone, likely struggles in fathoming the intricate mysteries of preparing Lean Cuisine dinners.

Other questions/remarks that flashed through my mind, pre-Jesus Tourettes:

-You must know about “The Secret”.
-Do you know who moved my cheese?
-Have you ever been to Guyana?
-Tell me about your latest scrapbooking project.
-Yeah, I read Tony Robbins once, too. The scene went bad when I mixed in some Carlton Sheets and woke up three days later with a “For Rent” sign stuck in my ass.