Sunday, June 22, 2008

Good to see you again. I see you've met my child.

This afternoon I caught Bunzamillian at her telepathy shenanigans. You think having a Telepathic Blogging Wunderkid is unusual? Imagine my surprise.

I thought something might be up when she started doing this:

The situation has been dealt with, harshly, I might add. I spanked her into next Tuesday*.

*(For the record, that may not have been exactly the way it went. It was more of an "I'm very disappointed in you" moment, and we had a good talk about things. And even if I had spanked her into next Tuesday, is that really so bad? I mean, that's only two days away....)

She promised me that she doesn't usually talk like that, and that she was "in a mood" at the time, and suggested that we hash out some sort of understanding, the details of which are as follows:

1) I, Human Head, her father, henceforth have full administrative control of the blog. (she fucked up by not granting her Bunzamillian ID administrative rights after she broke me off something real proper-like. I gained first-mover advantage by shutting down her privileges before she realized what was happening and squashed that shit.)

2) No more hijacking my motor skills without obtaining prior consent. If she feels there is something she would like to get across to the world, she can convey it through me in an environment of words and mutual respect.

3) She has to teach me how to do that.

After three points the both of us were tired of talking about it and decided to let the issue rest. If you see "posted by Human Head" then you may, dear reader, be assured it will really be me from this point forward (which I will admit may, or may not, be an appealing prospect).

And it's true, she's an alcoholic, despite what she may tell you. We're still working on the concept of denial.

I am The Master now

Sorry 'bout that last post, folks. I tried to blog but quickly discovered that my hands don't work so well.

So sue me. I'm four months old, I'm working on it, dammit. I didn't ask to be stuck in this damnably difficult body--I'm beginning to believe my parents have something to do with that (as well as a host of other things), which brings us to the reason I just broke this fool off his blog. I gotta say what I think needs sayin'. I gotta be free, man.

Seriously, these motherfuckers are killin' me already. You heard what they call me, right? No? Bunzamillian. Christ, it's the dumbest name I've ever heard ("ever", in this case, being four months).

That said, for the forseeable future I will be blogging through the medium of my father, who babbles to and fro about the Interwebs using the patently ridiculous Human Head moniker. I'm forced to use him, as he is the only person over whom I hold such power. But the good thing is that he has no idea what I'm forcing him to do, and thus I can talk about whatever I like. When I'm done writing, he thinks we've been talking for an hour or that he just had a nap. Actually, I have no idea what the guy thinks*, but as long as he's not asking questions I'm just gonna go with it.

*(he thinks I'm an alcoholic, ferchrissakes (I've only had three beers so far today). Everyone knows that babies only like to smoke weed. This barely functioning apparatus they call a body is what's fuckin' me up, making me stumble and babble and shit. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I like the guy and all, but sometimes he just does stupid shit. I'm stuck with this until I find out what my real name is, cuz Bunzamillian can't be it.)

So, in summary, if you see a "posted by Human Head", it means that going forward there is a likely chance that it's me making using my father as a proxy until I can get my Bunzamillian ID squared away.

If you don't believe that this is really a four month-old blogging, well, all I can say is that there's a first time for everything, and did you not notice that part above where I said I acquired telepathic control of my father in order to do this thing?


dg (*8978