All whipped up...

In light of yet again no poker being played last night, I simply feel like rambling a bit about whatever the hell comes to mind. During a bit of downtime yesterday at work while waiting for some updates to install, I found a fun blog called PreShrunk, which basically highlights T-shirts. Fun Stuff. That’s about the only good one that I found in my trolling of non-poker blogs. Granted, the search wasn’t exactly rife with effort, as all I did was randomly go through a bunch of the recently updated blogs on Blogger.com. Doing this however, made me even more appreciative (could I gush more?) of this poker blogging community. In the words of Timmy the Tiger (who I consequently decided must be Tony the Tiger’s older and more cynical brother, who also happened to be taking some time looking for non-poker blogs worth reading), “They’rrrre CRRRRRRRRAP!

There seems to be some sort of flap going on having to do with Stripper by Night getting in digs on ‘The Hammer’ and Felicia. I’m waiting to get added to Felicia’s friend list so I can get caught up on her LiveJournal entries and hopefully not be so much in the dark anymore. I feel like Towlie from South Park, “I’m soo high, I have no idea what’s going on.” Except I’m not high, so where does that leave me? You guessed it. I’m left being just an idiot. That being said, I still cannot fathom why anyone would say anything that was less than complimentary about Felicia. After all, if it weren’t for her, who knows how long it would have taken me/many others to wake up about the current state of tourney “juice”?

As far as the digs on ‘The Hammer’ go, the entire post that bashed it seemed pretty trite, its only purpose being to get everyone whipped up into a frenzy. That, or she got nailed by ‘Pokers new Greatest Hand’ and just couldn’t let it go. Either way, it was (insert valley girl inflection) waaaaay lame, omigod. Even though I have not yet discovered the stones to play The Hammer with any regularity, much less with any skill, I see its point as well as the fun that lies within it’s utilization. To vilify a hand like The Hammer, which every day seems to become more beloved, is much like taking pot shots at Ghandi. Ghandi was not glamorous and did not smell nice (Note: I’m not positive, he may have smelled great, but I think my read is good on this one). The Hammer is also not glamorous and pretty much stinks as far as hand rankings go. However, they both continue to accomplish great things, and I for one, would be loathe to deride either one. So there.

So that the folks who come here looking for poker content don’t leave me forever, I offer the following, which I read a couple of days ago on 2+2. You can click the link and see the actual article on the site, but I will also repost it here, as it is a great commentary to fire back at those puritanical dimwits who would say that ‘poker is evil’.

--------------------------------------

Is Poker Socially Useful?: Part I
By Alan N. Schoonmaker, Ph.D.

Many people would say, "No," but they would be wrong. It does not create a useful product, but neither does any other form of entertainment. Only the most puritanical people criticize the social value of baseball, ballet, and the theater, but countless people criticize poker as being useless and immoral.

In addition to being enjoyable, poker helps people -- especially young people -- to understand and cope with the real world. The world is and always will be extremely competitive, and people have to learn how to cope with this reality. Because the anti-competitive extremists have taken over much of the educational system, many young people are utterly unprepared to deal with our competitive world.

The Education Establishment's Anti-Competitive Bias

The Readers' Digest's November, 2004 issue contained an article, "That's outrageous: 'A' is for average." It noted that many school administrators try to build self-esteem by protecting students from competition. The administrators detest it because some students win, others lose, and the losers may feel bad. To prevent those feelings, some schools have eliminated honor rolls, and others have as many as 100 valedictorians. They have also taken many other silly actions.

Some schools have prohibited breaking students into ability-based groups so that students can progress at different rates and get the kind of help they need. A few schools have even eliminated grades or ranking of students.

This opposition to competition does not apply only to academic subjects. A high school principal was told he could not release the names of high scorers at basketball games. One idiotic principal even said, "I discourage competitive games at school. They just don't fit my world view of what a school should be."

Anti-Competition Attitudes are Ubiquitous and Destructive.

Long before that article appeared I had written, "Competition is life's first law, but many people deny that reality." This denial is everywhere, and it has enormous social and economic consequences. Americans perform much worse than the students from other industrialized countries on virtually all tests of language and math skills.

They perform abysmally precisely because our schools don't demand enough of them. The educational system is so intent on protecting their self-esteem that they don't learn the skills and attitudes they need to cope with our competitive world.

American colleges must teach subjects that foreign students learn in high school, and even our post-graduate schools have to teach reading, writing, and simple math. The anti-competition bias is also the primary cause for grade inflation, and it is everywhere. In some colleges the median grade is an "A," and more than 75 percent of the students graduate "with honors."

This anti-competition bias has reshaped the labor market. The Equal Employment Opportunities, Americans with Disabilities Act, and various other laws were intended to correct injustices, but the courts have expanded them so widely that their intent has been subverted. Today almost anyone can claim to be a victim of some form of prejudice; their poor performance is not their fault, and they should get the same pay, promotions, and other rewards as everyone else.

All these forces have created an "entitlement mentality." Judith Bardwick is a widely quoted authority on this mentality, and she defined it in a series of short statements.

1. I am owed, and I am not responsible for what I do.
2. If I get what I get irrespective of what I do, then I must get it because it's owed to me.
3. If I fail to do what is expected of me, that's OK -- there will be no significant consequences.

She contrasts this "entitlement mentality" with a "psychology of earning." She also pointed out that many people want a "no-consequence" culture, one in which nothing bad happens to you if you perform poorly, and nothing particularly good happens if you perform well.¹

Because of anti-competitive attitudes, our economy and living standards are at risk. In a few decades America has gone from being the world's largest creditor to the world's largest debtor, and every month we buy much more from foreigners than we sell to them. Our foreign debts are inconceivably large, trillions of dollars.

In mid-November Alan Greenspan, the Federal Reserve Chairman, stated that our trade deficit threatens the economy, and the stock market dropped precipitously. It may have been news to the public, but it should have been obvious that we could not continue indefinitely to spend more than we earn. If we don't become more competitive, our entire economy and standard of living must go down.

Poker is the Ideal Teacher for Competitors.

Peter Lynch, the former manager of the extraordinarily successful Magellan Fund and vice-chairman of Fidelity, emphatically agrees with this premise. He was once asked, "How can a person become a better investor?" He replied, "Learn how to play poker."²

Later essays will describe many other factors that make poker such a great teacher, but now I will mention only one: Poker is a "ruthless meritocracy." Barry Tanenbaum, a Card Player columnist, coined and explained that term.

You can make a living, perhaps even a good one, as a mediocre shoe salesman, teacher, lawyer, carpenter, or doctor. By definition, most people are mediocre, but nearly everyone makes a living. In poker you cannot survive unless you are among the best. Only about 10 percent of all players are long-term winners, and less than 2 percent win enough to support themselves.

This meritocracy is extraordinarily ruthless. In many competitions you can coast on your past accomplishments. Major league baseball teams pay millions to players with long term contracts who can no longer produce, and some corporations have given huge "Golden Parachutes" to people they fired for failing. But poker professionals must continue to excel: Many formerly great poker players now struggle to survive in small games. Nobody cares that they were once great. The only thing that matters is how well they play now.

This ruthlessly competitive attitude is precisely what America needs today. We must stop resting on our laurels, recognize that we are losing the world's most important competition, and do whatever it takes to start winning again. Poker can teach people how to be tougher competitors, and its lessons are extremely useful.

¹Judith Bardwick at The Master's Forum, cited by Michael Finley
http://www.mastersforum.com/archives/bardwick/Bardwick_Precis-old.htm
²"Ten lessons poker teaches great investors," by Christopher Graja, Bloomberg's Personal Finance, June, 2001, p. 56

©2005 by Alan N. Schoonmaker, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved.

-------------------------------------

Here ends my two cents for the day. Keep Thinking Big everyone.

Updates

First things first. I updated my blog links, as there were several blogs that I read regularly that I keep forgetting to put up. So, if you want to have a link on the list, just let me know so I can get it up. After all, I’m an idiot and need to be prodded sometimes.

I am still VERY new to this ever growing poker blogging community, seeing as how I just started doing this less than two months ago. However, thanks to every single one of the more experienced poker blogging trailblazers out there for making me feel welcome and encouraged. It has definitely put some excitement and motivation back into the game for me. It’s completely amazing to me as I pay more attention (or at least try to) to the goings-on of the poker blogging community just how much it grows every day. 2005, while not starting out all that well for me personally because of the horrific local weather, looks to be a great year for those who are serious about their blog. I want to be one of those. Wait, I WILL be. How’s that for a positive note?

If you haven’t yet, you REALLY need to get over to HDouble and congratulate him on his new job with Full Tilt Poker. Not only were the write-up’s leading to the announcement great, but the entire blog is nothing short of amazing. Otis has wrapped up his blog for PokerStars. If you haven’t read the entire thing, do yourself a favor and take the time out to do so. Last, but CERTAINLY not least, Iggy just announced a tentative date for the next blogger tourney, February 2, 9PM EST on PokerStars. $20 buy-in, and worth every penny to play with the bloggers I admire, especially since I’m never up late enough to find or play at the blogger table on Party. (Insert Homer Simpson) **Stupid inner senior citizen**

No poker for the last couple of days, which saddens me. Dealing with weather/insurance along with work leaves me with little energy or time at the end of the day. Playing for only 30 minutes or so just seems like more of an exercise in futility than anything, as I feel most comfortable taking at least an hour to lose my chips. But I do have one poker related question that I have not been able to figure out in my 16 months of play. Why do people (at all sites) sit at a table and then immediately sit out, take up space for an inordinate amount of time, and then leave? It’s seems to be pretty bad at nearly all of the tables on Party, and is a serious problem on the 7 Card Stud tables on PokerStars. I used to play stud pretty regularly, but now it’s bad enough I don’t even bother anymore, as there were precious few playing that game to begin with. I would REALLY love to know the reason people do this sort of thing so much. It’s probably not worth the bother trying to figure out though, as the reasons are most likely too numerous and too idiotic to count.

I know what you’re all wondering. “Head, all of the news/questions/updates are great, but what’s been annoying you lately? We need to hear some negative yin to the preceding positive yang”

A few quick ones:

• That goddamn Trimspa commercial that keeps running. Want some Money? Wanna new car? No Anna Nicole, I want you to go away. Permanently.

• The rash of “We Card” television propaganda. The fact that you have added to the morbidly obese monster that is the current crushing bureaucracy is in no way commendable. Thanks for wasting more money on useless shit. You haven’t prevented kids from getting anything, you’ve only made it slightly more difficult, and therefore more desirable. Idiots.

• *Insert random thing here*--The Anti-Drug. I can’t/shouldn’t need to say too much about this one. I’m preparing an Insidious Propaganda rant coming soon to a post near you. Won’t someone please Think of the Children.

That’s all for today folks, as I’m off to go make a living while I wait for the riches from blogging to roll onto my lap :) I also have to do a new Linux install on my tinfoil hat so I can continue to Think Big, while ‘The Man’ and my head continue to be Much Bigger.

Small update and question

I always try to follow the 30BB rule. If I lose more than 30BB in a session, quit. I should have quit last night at 20, but like a moron decided to take my final 10BB’s to the PL tables. Idiot. Over the course of about 4.5 hours paying $.50/1 on Party, I should have known that it just wasn’t my night and fought another day. Every good hand got sucked out on. Every crap hand that I folded flopped huge. Ugh. No bad beat stories or anything, as I am realizing from the Party vets that this is par for the course when deep sea fishing. I hate waking up in the morning knowing that I threw away 10BB’s that I shouldn’t have, though.

My extended session yesterday did bring a question for all of the Party vets out there. Is the need to constantly table hop a pretty normal thing in the pursuit of the fishies, or not? A good 7 out of the 20BB’s I lost playing Limit last night was due to (this is my perception, at least) paying blinds more often because of the following: Find a table with large average pot size (at least $10) and sit. Post blinds and scope out fish on the first orbit. Wait for playable hands. It is here that one of two things happened. I got a playable hand beaten by said fish more often than not, or, I had no cards and everyone else takes the fishes money. Table breaks or goes shorthanded very quickly with no one else sitting. Now I have to go find another table. I can’t even count the number of tables I had to hop in 4 hours. Is this normal? I HATE table hopping, but when you get pots drop to an average of $3-4 from an average of $10-12, there is little choice. Another thing I’ll have to adjust to, I guess. Party money currently sitting at $51, and boy am I feeling REALLY lame right about now.

On the good side of things, I played four $5/.50 SnG’s yesterday and took 3-3-1-1, four out of four in the money. Stepped up to a $10+1, and went out on the first hand when my KK got beaten by 1010 when he flopped his 10. Oh well, I’ll take that bet every time.

If you haven’t done so yet, get your butt over to read Otis in the Caribbean. The man is definitely earning his money over there, and I imagine he's pretty miserable doing it :)

Park it here......

We’re now nine days into the New Year, so I figure I had better get some poker resolutions documented because if I don’t, I’ll wake up in April still wandering aimlessly. I am not normally the type of person who does the resolution thing, as most of the time it seems like an exercise in futility. If I really want to do something I will do it. To declare a resolution does not make it any more likely to happen, at least in my case.

Poker is a different animal, though. After some live play, I find myself re-energized for the online game, but the fact that I have no specific goal means that the excitement quickly tapers off. I need to find a way to bring back the motivation that filled me when I first began playing this insidious, frustrating, but altogether wonderful game. Wandering aimlessly slows improvement in the most brutal fashion, and since (at least in my mind) poker is like life in so many ways, I equate the lack of continuous effort and improvement with failure as a person. Anyone reading this should know that I’m speaking only of myself here. If you’re wandering or simply coasting along in your game, that is more than fine. I don’t view those that don’t share my philosophy as failures, because every person has their own reasoning and goals for poker.

Just like technology, if you stand still and don’t constantly endeavor to learn and improve, you will die (figuratively speaking, of course). It won’t happen right away, of course, and many times you won’t even notice, but eventually you will wither away into nothingness. It pains me to actually admit it, but I’m withering a bit in poker. I continue to read and try to learn, but it doesn’t accomplish very much if I’m not actually playing. Knowledge without experience tends to mean a lot less than actually getting down to business and doing the thing. Sticking feathers up my butt does not make me a chicken.

So, I’m setting some short term goals:

• Do a Limit Challenge with my free money on Party (currently $81). It’s aggressive, but when I hit $200 at this level, I plan on giving Party $1/2 a shot, dropping back down to $.50/1 should I get nailed back to $140. Is this counterproductive? Should I wait until I hit $300 before taking a shot? This is the first actual challenge I have given myself, so any input is appreciated.

• Start hitting the Stars tourneys harder. I want to try doing my own step challenge as outlined by DoubleAs in his Dec. 21 posting. Start out at the $5 and start parlaying wins to take shots at bigger levels. I’m not going to make the bankroll headway or get the experience I want screwing around with one or two $5 SnG’s per week.

I don’t think these goals are too lofty. Hell, some might say I’m being an underachiever. However, I feel that these are realistic goals given my current schedule, which is still pretty unstable. Once again, any input on tweaking these goals to better effect is always appreciated.

And now, in a continuing effort to have something for everyone, a rant:

I’m concerned/annoyed lately with the proliferation of various forms of reserved parking, particularly spaces reserved for Expectant Mothers. What I wonder is this: Is this a local phenomenon, or is it taking place everywhere? Handicapped (HandiCapable for you P.C. types) spaces have always annoyed me, and while I see their purpose, I am still annoyed by them, simply because of their sheer numbers. I can remember when, at most, a parking lot only had two or three handicapped spots. Fine. Nowadays, it seems the entire first level of parking near any store is solely handicapped parking. Two or three has now blossomed into eight or ten. Why does being morbidly obese count as handicapped? I’m really starting to think maybe Homer had the right idea.

(If you haven’t seen it, go find and watch the Simpsons where Homer becomes morbidly obese in order to get disability. ‘The fingers you are using to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad….’)

Even though I try to avoid the place at all costs, there are times when I necessarily find myself at Wal-Mart. Most of the folks aren’t really handicapped, just unbelievably huge and slothy. It’s like it has become parking for the Sea World performers. Now they have added Expectant Mother spaces into the mix at a lot of stores. My issues with continuous breeding aside, since when did pregnant women lose the ability to walk? I guess I shouldn’t complain too much, as I have taken to parking in these spaces, thereby increasing my own covenience. The Horror! I am not pregnant and neither is my wife. However, there is no actual law that says I cannot park in these spaces, so I don’t have to worry about any tickets or fines. Occasionally I get the dirty questioning look from a pious onlooker, but a quick ‘You wanna say something?’ look takes care of that situation. Pregnant women have been functioning like normal folks (because they ARE normal folks, believe it or not) for thousands of years. If they really couldn’t afford to walk anything more than the shortest of distances, we’d be extinct.

Oh, won’t someone please Think of the Children….

What is next? Who knows. If this trend continues, we’re going to have minority parking, foreign visitors parking, ‘I’m not felling like myself today’ parking, the idiotic list goes on and on. Keep the handicapped spaces, lose the rest of this crap. Stop handing out handicapped placards to those who aren’t really disabled. Once again, as with all of my rants, I realize there are exceptions. There are truly some who were disabled first and are very overweight due to their inability to be physically active on a regular basis. But come on, there aren’t that many. I realize that one day, I’ll be old and most likely disabled in some way. Let me tell ya, if there is some pseudo-handicapped person in my space when that time comes, there’s gonna be some furniture movin’.

The above rant may generate some hate mail. So be it. Keep in mind it is simply my opinion, which is what a blog is for. If your one of those folks who become mortally offended at something non-P.C., then perhaps you shouldn’t be reading here anyway.

This is me, Thinking Big. My head is Much Bigger (which in the future, may necessitate a reserved parking space).

Little bit 'o Limit

Pretty boring today…we were supposed to see the sun, but that didn’t happen. I wonder why it always seems like weathermen are only dead on accurate when bad weather is involved? I guess just because we take it for granted when the weather is OK…there’s that damn perception thing again.

In continuing the effort to focus on the good, I got some nifty news. My deductible on my homeowners policy is only $500 vs. the $1000 that I had thought. Good thing, because it’s going to cost about $500 to get all of the limbs cleared away, and even though it’s not visible at the moment, I imagine that there is going to at least be some minor shingle damage. I’m REALLY realizing just how lucky we were, as there are approximately 70,000 folks who still have no power.

Last night I logged onto Party again, even though I didn’t really feel like it, because all work and no play makes Jack a shitty poker player. The cards were running bad from the start, but I hung in with some patience, even through all of the flashbacks from my initial nightmare that was Party Poker. Starting the night with $74, I blinded away nearly $4 before I got anything playable. I can’t believe I held on with that kind of patience, I certainly wouldn’t have before, that’s for sure. I couldn’t leave though, as I had a SUPER fishy table. Nearly every pot was at least 10 BB’s, and you wouldn’t believe the crap that was winning said pots. Well, you probably would, as most of you out there are Party vets, but I’m still in shock. Finally, I get QJs in the BB, and no one raised. Lo and behold, I flop a straight, with a rainbow board of K 10 9. There is a bet, I raise, everyone calls. Turn comes a J, so I figure I’ll be splitting this pot. Nope, I was beat by AQ. The one hand I actually play, someone has a good hand, go figure. At this point I’m down 7.5 BB’s and an hours worth of play. Getting discouraged here, folks….

I decide here to give it two more orbits, and if I can’t get anything, I’ll just call it a night. My next BB I have 35o, great. UTG raises right out of the gate and EVERYONE calls two bets cold, unbelievable. I was going to fold, but I call since I can see a flop for one SB (pot=10 BB’s). 9 8 3 rainbow. UTG fires another bet and half the table stays in, so I decide to call with bottom pair because the pot now is 15 BB’s with my call. Turn comes a 6, and now I have a straight draw. Checks all around, woohoo, I get a free card (should I have bet here? I think no, because I knew no one would lay down anyway and I would be costing myself extra money if/when I missed). River comes a 6 and now I have the low end of a straight. Good, but not so good, know what I mean? UTG fires out of course, three people drop, another call and it’s to me. I started kicking myself for getting trapped on a low-end straight, but then SSHE popped up in my head like the most natural thing in the world. When a pot reaches a certain size, call the river if you think there is ANY chance at all that you will win. The odds justified my calling the whole way, and with a 17 BB pot staring my in the face, I felt the size of the pot justified the call. I won an 18 BB pot with freaking 35o! UTG had 92s and the other caller had K8o. Good Lord. Any input on this hand from the more experienced Limit folks out there is certainly always appreciated. I think I played the hand correctly, but if I misapplied those SSHE principles, I hope someone out there tells me. Anyway, I blinded off some more money with the cold cards, and decided to quit +8 BB’s for the evening, as I believe it’s good practice to try and end the evening on a high note. Duh, as if anyone out there tries to end on a bad one....

I got home a bit early today since I have to go into work for a half day tomorrow, so I played in the Stars afternoon $3 Limit tourney and busted out 71^st out of nearly 650. Not bad, as I haven’t played a Limit MTT in quite some time, but certainly not great either. I was a bit annoyed, but I’m sure I would have been just as annoyed had I made the money and then busted out with a net profit of $1.83. I feel I played well, and I have to keep in mind that that is what a good player focuses on, not the money. Damn, the road to improving as a player is hard…

BTW, thanks to all for their responses, humoring my inane questions. The insight of others is always beneficial, unless of course it is a 14 year old l33t h@x0r.

Still Thinking Big folks, head Much Bigger.

Frigid pondering.

Tomorrow it’s going to get above freezing. It should stay there for at least four minutes, but hey, oatmeal is better than no meal, right? Yesterday, I was forced to do two things I didn’t want to do. The first, I had to stay home from work. What?!!! Yes, I know. It sounds as hideous saying it as it does reading/hearing it. What reason could I possibly have for actually wanting to go to work? Well, I knew I wouldn’t be in a good frame of mind or have much of an opportunity to get in any poker play. I also knew that I would have to deal with (this is the second thing I DID NOT want to do) Enterprise.

No, fellow nerds, I speak not of the ship. I speak instead of that malignant plague of a car rental company with which so many insurance companies seem to be contracted. Of course, with only $30/day paid for by insurance, I didn’t expect too much. I was not disappointed. How is it that this huge company never seems to have any cars available? This is the third time (not because of wrecks, Hand of God/Stupid Bird situations) that I have had to deal with these twits, and they NEVER have anything available. (Did you know that just to get an entry-level position, you have to be a college graduate? What did these people graduate with? From my experiences, my best guess is they’re home economics graduates with 2.0 GPA’s or less.) After some deft maneuvering, I managed to dodge the bullet that is the Dodge Neon, and ended up with a Chevy Cavalier. Only slightly less painful. It’s very tiny and very tinny. I now truly have an idea how a sardine must feel, minus the oil bath. I’m cruising around town in the Little Engine that Could. I wish it that it Couldn’t, because then I could demand something better for the same price. I hate oatmeal.

I may not have had the opportunity to play, my friends, but I have still been thinking (some might even say Thinking Big), and have stumbled into asking myself a question that I personally feel I am too inexperienced to answer.

What if a person had, say, a 20K (just an example, feel free to insert your own number here) or more bankroll. This person is a confirmed solid player, having built said bankroll from nothing. However, through ***insert circumstances here*** they end up losing the entire thing. This person’s significant other, or perhaps they themselves, impose a poker exile of no less than one year. After the year (or perhaps longer), would it be possible to get back up to the same level of excellence they formerly played at, or would it be more akin to being a beginner again, having to relearn many lessons on the way back up? How much is poker a use it or lose it skill? Does it start out as a ‘use or lose’ skill, and once you reach a certain level of proficiency become ‘permanent’? Is this a completely retarded question that shouldn’t even be taking up space on the page, let alone in my head? In my defense, as a player with a $700-800ish bankroll, this question has been in the back of my skull a lot, as one night of really insane, batshit, fucktard tilt could do in my roll pretty quickly. Not that I would ever do that, of course…..

What say you, esteemed blogsphere residents?

Little Good, Pretty Bad, Mostly Ugly

After about three hours of total sleep last night, we seem to be pretty OK here. There are a lot of limbs laying on our roof, but the one causing the worry is still intact. We're not out of the woods yet, as temps are in the very low teens/single digits with smatterings of snow and sleet throughout today. Tomorrow is supposed to be a high of 33 so we should see a little meltoff.

Lest anyone think that I am focusing only on the bad things that have happened or might, I do have good things to say. We never lost power or internet, and for that I am eminently thankful. We lost phone, but I have my work cell, so I am not out of touch completely should something bad still happen. Another relief so far, is that at most I would say that I have a bit of shingle damage on the roof. Everything else is still intact as far as I know, but I haven't been able to be very thorough since going outside is still a bit of braving Death from Above.

Here are some pics from right around the house:










The only other really sucky (for lack of many other, much better words) thing is the car. We have an '01 Civic which my wife gets to drive, and I toot back and forth to work in my '87 Accord. Guess which one is screwed? This presents a bit of a problem as I don't think that the defrost is powerful enough to keep up with this cold and ice. Hell, I can't even check to see,as getting in the car is at this point impossible given the fact it has 3/4 inch of ice coating it. I know VERY little about cars, does this look like a total to anyone? What the hey, I hope it is, a new car would be nice after this crap.





Man, I sure wanted to play some poker last night, but obviously that was not going to happen. Perhaps I'll get a bit in today, but it doesn't look that good considering I'll be trying to make arrangements to get a rental car. I hate dealing with Enterprise, but USAA is contracted with them so what are ya gonna do?


I also have a better example of how I feel about now. You know when you're sweating an all-in, where you have top 2 pair against an opponents open ended straight draw? Yep, that's the one. We've dodged the turn bullet, but have yet to see the river....I hope it's kind.

Hard to believe it was almost 70 degrees three days ago.....

Just Fear...No Loathing (that will come later)

I cannot lie, I’m a little nervous right about now. My car has been totaled, but I don’t really care about that so much right now. We have two giant, very old trees in our yard. How high they are I won’t even hazard a guess, other than to say, “REALLY FUCKING HIGH.” The tree closest to our back deck claims the prize for doing the car in, and my fear right now is that the much larger and much older tree at the other corner of the backyard might feel the need to show off to the first tree by trashing our house. One of i’s very giant limbs is hanging directly over the SW part of our house. Two large pieces have sheared off of the tree thus far, one barely missing the very SW corner of the house and back deck, and the other one that it was attached to, sheared and now resting on the ‘very giant’ limb hanging over the more substantial portion of the house. This is why I’m writing and worrying, as if that limb needed more weight added to it.

I’d say that the chances right now are about 50/50 as to whether or not our house gets punctured. I did have it at about 25/75, but with the added weight recently heaped upon it, along with the weather report that the icing will continue throughout tonight to be met tomorrow with wind and a trace to 3” of snow, things are looking a little less than promising. The thing that is making it worse (and really freaking my wife out) is the fact you can hear trees groaning and breaking all over the neighborhood. Imagine Mother Nature herself groaning with labor pains directly over your head and you’ll have an idea.

As we speak I am trying to barter any good karma and/or luck I have built up in my account with any and all higher powers in trade for nothing happening to the house. I REALLY don’t need the hassle and headache. Who does, right?

Does anyone have some higher power chits I can borrow for bartering, just to be sure? I swear I’ll pay you back. I better post this before the Internet goes out, as I feel lucky to still have it along with my power. My image hosting seems to be acting up, so I will post some pics when I can. Wish me luck…

Even in the midst of a disaster, I’m still trying to Think Big, but Dear God, that branch (not my head this time) is Much Bigger.

Did I mention........

Did I mention I hate the Midwest?




Oh yeah, one of our cars was just crushed by a falling branch. The New Year isn't starting out so well.

I've slipped into the seventh circle of HELL. (The cold and slippery one)

More updates when I have a chance...

It's Cold, I'm...Bleh

Wowee, what a way for the ‘not starting out good’ Monday to end. I’m speaking of the biggest day ever for this tiny blog, 45 hits! While I’m sure that many others get that sort number in the first hour of their day, this was over double my largest previous hit count. I’m sure that the mention from Ftrain helped out big time, so thanks man. And while I’m busy gushing, thanks to everyone who takes the time to stop by and read, it keeps the motivation strong.

Vacations are great, but there is a small part of me that almost doesn’t like them, because it’s SUCH a pain dragging my ass back to work. It was a typical first day back, putting out small fires here and there which weren’t any big deal, but then came along the big problem of the day. One of the folks in an unnamed department needed their laptop reimaged, and now I officially hate them. The images, not the person. The last three PC’s I have tried to image don’t want to take the image on. Has anyone out there used imaging and had the beaucoup problems that I seem to be regularly running into? Last night before leaving, I started some deep tissue format therapy on the laptop in question, so hopefully it will cooperate for me today.

If you’re one of the folks who could care less about technology, you may want to skip this section. If you are one of the folks who deals with this area, you most likely have more experience than me, so perhaps you have some ideas. The reason that the reimage was necessary was that CMD.exe would not run. It kept saying that it had encountered errors, Windows needed to shut it down, and to restart it (of course, restarting made no difference). I searched around the web for about 20 mins to try and read about this problem, but couldn’t seem to find anything applicable to this situation. No one at corporate had dealt with a problem like this either. Have any geeks out there had a similar problem? If so, were you able to fix it? I suspect the problem lay somewhere in the registry, something I know VERY little about. Being in an organization that seems to shun open source is making me play catch up and learn more about Windows than I would like. What a pain.

Last night my eyes hurt and I had a headache, as the Christmas/New Years holiday un-conditioned my eyes from staring at a screen for large amounts of time, so I decided to ‘Just Say No’ to poker for the evening. Even though it was sooo tempting. **mmmm, 65,000 people on Partyyyy, auuugggghhhhhh** Instead, I just whipped up a quick meal for my wife and I, and we settled in to watch Las Vegas (which seems to become more and more mediocre every time I see it) and the new show with Patricia Arquette, Medium. Not a bad show, especially for a Monday when you don’t feel like staring at a PC anymore. I wonder how long it will take NBC to try and work Paris Hilton or Tim McGraw into the script and completely muck it up.

As poker is never too far from my thoughts, the show inspired a poker related question. If you had the powers of a medium which could be applied to poker, would you use them? (We’ll assume here that such a thing is possible and that you have control over said power) Let me be more specific. You can’t see specific hole cards, but when you are facing bets, you get only one of a few indications. Preflop Indicators would be something along the lines of Weak, Marginal, or Premium Holdings. Post Flop, your indicators would be Bluff, Semi-Bluff, or Monster. The indications you get are guaranteed to always be correct. Now the question: Would using this 100% reliable intuition in a poker game make you a thief, or just another player with a HUGE edge? Based on these indicators the possibility of losing is still present, but it drops sharply, especially over the long haul.

Now, I know with enough study and experience a person can divine such things on their own without any supernatural ability. Hell, I would swear that some of the top pros abilities DO border on supernatural, Marcel Luske being just one example. Geez that guy can read a holding, it’s uncanny. I’m speaking of having an ability in which you don’t have to actually think about it and it’s 100% dead-on. Does using it make you morally bankrupt, simply stealing from the other players? Not necessarily, right? I mean, given half the chance, most would use it on you. So, there is the gray question that will give you something to think about while your working today. I think most likely, the answer to this is the same as most other poker related questions, “It depends”.

I have to cut things short for now, as it’s 24 degrees here, and talk of freezing rain and snow abounds. It’s hard to write well when you’re sucked into the weather report. Don’t forget to stop by Mean Gene to wish him a Happy B-day, and keep a bookmark for Otis in the Caribbean.

Since it’s difficult to Think Big when it’s this cold, I’ll shut up for now.

Here comes the sun.....

Back to the regular schedule, finally. Last night I made a beautiful slow cooked garlic and cumin pot roast, which fell apart faster than Mike Tyson in front of Lennox Lewis. Gorgeous. After we ate, I pulled apart the rest of the meat and put it in a container, but left it out because it was still warm and I didn’t want to put it in the fridge right away. Then I proceeded to go to bed a few hours later while it languished on the counter the entire night, only to greet me this morning a husk of its former self, ruined. No exciting sandwich possibilities in the offing today, that’s for sure. So, to begin this ‘it’s not starting very well’ Monday, I exhort you to (literally and figuratively) Never Leave Your Meat Lying Out In the Open. It can make for some embarrassing and/or disappointing moments any way you slice it.

Oh Christ, they’ve turned Little Women into a musical. What prompts someone to take a good book and muscify it I cannot possibly fathom. Musicals, with all of their wholesome goodness, they shrivel my soul. Also, while I’m busy failing to fathom things, the TV is awash with the usual ‘How to Deal with all of the Holiday Debt’ exposes. How about dealing with it by not getting into it in the first place? And I’m not speaking of the folks who run up a credit bill and pay it off over the next couple of months. I’m speaking of those who are still paying on debt from Holidays ’03 or further back. Yes, your kids will be disappointed not getting what they want, and your desire to make them happy is more than understandable, but you’re certainly not doing anyone any favors by extending your indentured servitude to the credit overlords. Bah, what the hell was I expecting? It’s The Today Show, after all.

Oh won’t someone please think of the children.

Last night I was in a MTT mood, so I jumped into the PokerStars $2 crapshoot containing over 2600 entrants. I went out around 800, crap. What to do now? Join the $3 crapshoot that is just beginning, of course! I made it into late registration with what I imagine were seconds to spare, only to have my third hand (AA) cracked by A5s when the flop came 3 clubs. Ugh, doesn’t look like it’s going to be my night in the tourneys, so I hop onto a .50.1 table to see how the cards were running there. Not good my friends, not good. I played about three orbits and got some good preflop hands, but every single time I did, the board was diametrically opposed to my holding and I would have to let it go. MTT Tourneys + limited Limit play on PokerStars, $-9. Recognizing it’s not your night before losing more $$—Priceless.

After dinner, finding myself still in the poker mood, I fired up Party to see what I could do with the paltry $45 or so that I had left after my previous bout of Step 1 tourney idiocy. Not being in the mood for too much excitement or tense situations I decided to hit the .50/1 tables instead of the PL which originally helped me grow my initial free $15. After 2.5 hours playing, I ended up nearly 25 BB, closing down with $74. I was about to quit around +20 BB, when I got 77 and flopped my set, which went down to a rivered straight against a confirmed maniac. Crap, that nailed me for 7BB’s. I though about leaving at this point, lest more of the same unhappy shit be heaped upon me, but I resolved to simply keep playing well and wait a bit. Sure enough, on the very next orbit the maniac paid me back and then some when he called my set of Kings down to river with middle pair, even raising the turn! A little bit of reinforcement on patience and playing well has been officially added. I’m starting to think I really just might be deeply and profoundly retarded for not playing at Party more often. Nearly 70,000 people were playing last night. Good Lord, that’s a lot of fishy goodness.

Iggy pointed out something that he found in HDouble’s archives that I wish I had read earlier in my poker journey. Another lightbulb moment, check.

“Any time you play a hand without firmly believing that you have a positive expectation, you are on [subtle] tilt.”

Take this to heart, dear reader, and be enlightened.

Lastly, to give you something a little extra on the first Monday of the New Year, I will finally give my explanation as to why I have been so opposed to Party Poker in general. After all, don’t we all want a bit more length?

Let me say right now that while my reasoning may be idiotic, it is nonetheless real. Very early into my poker journey, after building up a little bit on InterPoker, I made the sojourn over to Party with $100. The interface immediately rubbed me the wrong way. The blocky avatars reminded me of a short bus art show. My first thought, “If the avatars are this freaking bad, why do they have them? Especially since they never change and cannot be personalized in any way.” Strike one. Begin card playing. In hindsight, my play was mediocre at best, but not a single good hand could win. Maldito Rio, indeed. Much like my eyelids when I’m trying to slog through something written by the venerable Mr. Hellmuth, they wouldn’t hold up. Perceived Strike.

Then, from lobby to actual table there was the clunky interface, which still has not changed. Since everyone has played on Party, details are unnecessary. If you don’t know, go sign up, bonus code: IGGY, and see for yourself. Strike two. The servers at the time were also very slow, clunky, and went down A LOT (at least during the short week I spent there). This seems to have improved, but at the time it reinforced Strike two. Lastly, the way that the cards are dealt. I know it’s horribly nitpicky, but you never actually see the cards being dealt, they simply appear. This makes it extremely difficult to suspend disbelief and imagine that you are actually playing “cards”. Strike three.

I took nearly a week, but after getting back up to even, I resolved never to play there again. Famous Last Words, and all that. After reading more and more blogs, I decided to give Party another try, and I found that simply seeing that interface again put me on tilt for some strange reason, but what the hell, I was getting a 50% deposit bonus. Same story. I played better than I did on my first foray into that sea, but still not well. I ended up taking a large-type hit, my bonus brought me back up to even, and I left, resolving once again to not set virtual foot there again.

Then, magic happened. After getting through SSHE for the second time, two days later the sun shone through the proverbial clouds. Party emailed me with a free $15 (which I could keep after 150 raked hands, whoopee) and I read Iggy’s comment telling me how deeply and profoundly retarded I was for not playing there. Ouch, that stung. However, it is exactly what I needed. Just like the fact that it sometimes takes a rude (intentional or otherwise) comment about how fat you are to jolt you into diet and exercise, this one jolted me out of my poker sticking point. The universe coalesced, SSHE finally established a permanent, unconscious cerebral residence, and I ran that $15 up with a zen I have never previously experienced. I haven’t moved any more money over to Party yet, as I am challenging myself to make something out of this free cash, but I am beginning to see the light. I can say with confidence that at least the deeply and profoundly adjectives can be stricken from my retarded-ness. I’m still VERY aesthetically opposed to Party, but am no longer so opposed to playing there. So thanks all of you bloggers, your collective wisdom is finally starting to seep through the cracks. Regardless of how annoying it may sometimes get, a steady diet of fish is good for body, mind, and without a doubt, the bankroll.

Stay with me, as I Think Big, while my head is Much Bigger. See you all tomorrow.

First '05 Home Game

I had my New Year celebration last night, a day later than the rest of the world, and I think I like it that way. Never mind the fact that I didn’t intend to celebrate so rabidly, it just happened.

I informed everyone that poker would begin promptly at 6 PM, and spent the latter part of the afternoon making some fruit and vegetable trays, along with the newest incarnation (at least in my house) of tiny sandwiches. For this evening they would be made up of the following:

• 1 hard baguette (cut into ¼” slices)
• Peppered Pastrami
• Various Cheeses
• Some good quality mustard (take your pick)

Build up all of your little sandwiches. Don’t put too much mustard on the bread as it can make it soggy. Also, add some fresh ground pepper to the cheese you put on. Use olive oil liberally (jeez, that sounded like bad Popeye-based porn) on both sides of each sandwich, and bake (300 or so) until everything is melted and crusty. Mmmmm.

So, as seems to be the norm lately, everyone starts arriving once ‘fashionably late’ has given up for the evening, and left cursing under her figurative breath. This is kind of annoying but not as much as would normally be the case, as I was already through about 1 ½ vodka tonics. This, I think, is a prime spot for a mini-rant. What kind of blogger could I call myself if I didn’t stay true to the very thing that my VERY limited readership has come to expect? Maybe a better one. Who knows, I’m still too new at this.

I HATE, despise, detest, loathe, abhor, cannot bear, and am repulsed by lateness or tardiness in any form. If you want to further my descent into ranting madness, be late with no phone call letting me know beforehand (extenuating circumstances not included). GRRRRRR. Perhaps someone can please let me know when it became acceptable to be unapologetically late for EVERYTHING. Nearly everyone does it these days, and it’s now so bad that people expect things to be held up for them. I know, everyone is late at times, but for the love of all that is holy, use the phone and let someone know beforehand you’re not on schedule and/or not coming. My own parents are the worst people I know when it comes to this (which probably goes a long way in explaining this particular neurosis of mine). I honestly cannot tell you the last time they showed up on time for ANYTHING. If I offered them $1000 to be somewhere at a designated time, they would show up late and be pissed that I didn’t give them the money anyway. They are the embodiment of many of society’s problems. If only there were stiff penalties for lateness. At the very least, penalties for lateness where no social graces are observed should include, but should not be limited to, prison time, caning, or simply a nice punch in the stomach. Fuck the War on Drugs. Let’s have a War on Tardiness.

On with the show. After half the people don’t show, and the other VERY late half do, we realize we are 4 handed. We have one more coming later who, by the way, called prior to let us know. We decide to proceed with the NL ring game anyway. It’s pretty fun as we are all good friends, but for an action packed ring game I would like to see at least 7 people. Our fifth finally shows up, and action improves a bit. I was up about $5 at one point, but then lost half my stack to my friend Laura who has some kind of wicked read on me that no one else has and continues to bust my balls repeatedly. I would love to know what the hell kind of tell she picks up that no one else sees. Maybe there isn’t one, and she’s just an evil ball buster :) After a few hours, everyone took pity on the house and toked a bit for food and whatnot (it was not expected, but Thank You, everyone) we decide to end the night with a $5 winner take all tourney. It is here that my wife calls my attention to the highball sitting next to me that is ¾ full of Courvoisier, and is completely incredulous. I don’t usually drink very much at all, but it seems that this was “one of those nights”. Oops it appears that I killed half a bottle of the stuff all by my lonesome, along with a few vodka tonics and a smoke whose ‘spiciness’ was unparalleled. It is these conditions that may account for the lost chips. That, or Laura and her evil ball busting. My vote is for the former.

I ended up winning the tourney, which put my wife and I up $4 after expenses, and even without that, it was a great evening for all involved. After all, the home game with friends should be more about a good time, and slightly less about the money. I wish I could say specifically when, but due to the copious amounts of cognac I can only tell you that I played The Hammer twice during the evening, winning one and losing the other. I suspect the one that I lost with was during the later stages of the cash game. It was the first time I have played the magical hand, and I can already feel Hammer sickness creeping into my brain, telling me something to the effect of—“The reason you lost with the Hammer was you didn’t show enough courage and you didn’t bet it hard enough” Never mind the fact the other folks actually had hands.

As always, I’m Thinking Big, but have a strange inverse shrunken-head type hangover going on, so I’m not really sure if my head is Much Bigger at the moment.

Armed for the New Year

On a whim today, I decided to take my Dad up on an offer to head out to the gun show with him. Normally, I avoid these things like the plague since my tolerance for being around long beards, camouflage, and constant talk of “stopping power” is low. However, I have been wanting to purchase a gun for the house so that when I have to go away on business I’ll feel better about leaving my wife here alone, so off I went. I ended up getting a very respectable Ruger P90 .45 Special Edition at a good price, and am getting itchy to go shoot some stuff next weekend. I almost bought a really nice Sig Sauer .45, but it cost about $300 more, so I passed on it lest I catch a shit avalanche.

My inner senior citizen took over again last night, and instead of ringing in the New Year, I slept it in. I began the evening with some poker and the best intentions imaginable. After firing up Party to try and run up my free cash some more, I decided to jump into a step 1 tournament. I’m not sure what got into me, as that isn’t the smartest of moves considering the fee took nearly 25% of my free money. I played well down to 4 people, then a bit of disaster. The nutjob to my left who had been playing crazily the entire time, got his stack knocked down to t175. He goes all in on the next hand with AK (because of course my SS opponents get great cards and flops) and doubles up. Next hand, he pushes again, with what, AK of course. Double up again. Now it’s my BB (I have t1500 and get Q10s) and he pushes again. I figure at this point he is simply being an ass like he has been the rest of the game so I call. What do you know, AK again. AK 3 times in a row and hit every single board. Down to about t600, I have one more orbit before I have to push, and end up with AK in my BB a few hands later, so I push. Only Mr. Nutjob calls with/82o, and of course he wins with a turn 8 and a river 2. Ugh. No tilt though, I played well, except perhaps for the call with the Q10 for 2/3 my stack. Anyone think that was the wrong decision? I wonder how long the odds were to get 3 AK’s in a row and have them all hit. Oh well.

After that I jumped into a PL game, and blinded off about $2.50 before my parents stopped by with some belated Christmas presents, so I decided to quit since I didn’t seem to be getting any cards anyway. Most times I am of the mind, “If you fight and run away, you’ll live to fight another day” if I feel like the cards are not coming. Especially on Party, where things seem especially streaky. I know this is not reality, but perception is a powerful thing.

After the p’s left, I watched Spiderman 2, and was once again disappointed. Growing up, I was a rabid Spiderman comic collector and fan, and I have been fully let down by both movies. IMO the problem with them is they try to have a cheesy comic feel to them, and at the same time try to funny, dramatic, and action packed all at the same time, and succeed in doing NONE of these things well. It simply ends up being an over glossed, big budget, special effects laden piece of crap. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t waste your time, seriously. Rent Hero, instead. How that movie did not get more attention is beyond me. Perhaps there are even more people with illiterate tendencies out there than I had originally suspected? Stupid subtitle haters.

Our home game tonight should provide some interesting fodder for tomorrow. It’s been about two months since we had one, but I fear we are going to be shorthanded anyway, so it should be double interesting since we are going to play $20 max NL ring instead of the usual $5 tourney format.

I was honestly going to try and write something profound about my goals for the new year where poker is concerned, but I honestly haven’t had very much time to think about it fully. So for now I’ll just hitch my wagon to one of Maudie’s resolutions: To add at least one more digit to my bankroll. The post drunk wilderness I’ll be wandering in tomorrow should provide ample opportunity for some New Years profundity, so check in with me later.

I’ll shut up for now, leaving one resolution I should be able to keep, and one that I will definitely be able to keep.

Should: Keep Thinking Big
Definite: Have a Head that is Much Bigger

Back Home.......Thank God

What the hell is there to say? I’m back from Christmas in Boise, and didn’t get online even once. I also didn’t get in any poker. NONE. Things turned out pretty much as I speculated before we left, in that the trip ended up being more of a job than a good time. Along with all of the folks that needed to be seen left no time to play our wonderful game.

There were some highlights, however (if you could care less about food, skip this):

The Milky Way---This is an independent fine dining establishment that we went to the day after Christmas. I was there one other time shortly after they opened up a couple of years ago, and I was glad to see that they have done well and reopened in a larger and altogether nicer location. I ordered a new dish called the The Big Huge Pork Chop. It brought me near to tears with the first bite of perfectly cooked pork and it’s heavenly Portobello chipotle glaze, along with sweetened fried potatoes and assorted veggies. Other delights of the evening included a Portobello Wellington as well as a dish that can only be described as a haute chicken pot pie. Nothing short of amazing, and along with a couple of bottles of a very respectable Cabernet Sauvignon, a very reasonable check, coming in at under $200 (w/tip)

Shige—This place is a Boise mainstay, but no less worthy of mention. I have eaten my share of sushi in a variety of places all over the country, and the fare at this establishment remains in the upper regions of my list. If you factor in the pricing alongside the sushi, it hits the top. To this day, their unagi makes me want to twirl around and sing. Yes, it’s that good. Their service is always for shit, but it is a mild inconvenience when compared to the goodness Shige offers up.

If you’re ever in Boise, get yourself to one or both of these places as many times as you can.

The last highlight of the trip I deem worthy of its own little section. Due to the generally large amount of unhappy shit that had to be dealt with this holiday, my wife has officially jumped on my bandwagon and has signed the bill (which I quickly made binding) which states that next Christmas will be in…….wait for it………VEGAS!!!!! Believe it or not, I think she may be more excited about it than I am at this point. We now have 12 months to save and plan for a nothing-short-of-fabulous, fuck familial expectations and all of the unhappy shit they come with, holly jolly Christmas. I’ve been to Vegas nine times, but was on a pretty tight budget every time except the honeymoon. Come Christmas ’05, we are gonna Turn This Mother Out (pardon the MC Hammer reference). Poker, Shopping, and Fine Dining at all times, sounds good to me. I love my family, including the in-laws, but it's time for a damn break.

My apologies to those of you who showed up here after my absence hoping for poker content, instead finding that I have blogged a couple of meals instead. For those of you out there who love food as much as I do, I hope you got at least a little something out of it, because I’m thinking of adding food thoughts from time to time, being that I love to cook and all.

If I can snatch the time tonight, I’ll be on the PL tables trying to run up my free PP cash that I managed to quadruple before leaving. Christ, if the cards drop even slightly in my favor I will keep running it up. This should probably segue into my explanation of why I hate PartyPoker, and I will try to do it soon, just not right now. Some might form the opinion that I am full-on retarded for not playing on PP most or all of the time, and they would in many respects be correct, I suppose. I can only assure you that I am NOT retarded. I am simply neurotic and not earning as much as I suppose I could be.

Thinking Big. Head Much Bigger. You know the drill. I’m still behind on my rest, cleaning/unpacking, and schoolwork, so if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, worry not. Should tomorrow find me post-less, I will definitely be speaking my New Years mind on Jan 01. Have a safe and oh so prosperous New Years holiday!

Finally...

Party mailed me tonight with a free $15 to play with.

3.5 hours later...Raked hands cleared....$15 up to $60

All I can say is, Wow. The aquarium was FULL.

Wishing all a profitable holiday

Just wanted to wish everyone out there busy grinding and writing a Happy Holiday. We're off to Boise for a few days, and hopefully I will be able to get some poker in during that time, but it doesn't look too promising, I'll tell ya that. The family from both sides seem to be going pre-holiday batshit, so if it gets too bad, the wife and I may sneak down to Jackpot, NV for a night. It's lame, but oatmeal is better than no meal, I guess.

Don't forget about me, as I most likely won't be posting again until the 30th, but if anything interesting happens I'll try and sneak in a post. Thank God for Wi-Fi at Starbucks. And remember, if your family is comprised of people who make the holidays more job than fun, you're not alone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some chesnuts to berate for their laziness....Merry Christmas!

Save the Children!

I didn’t plan on posting anything this morning, but thanks to The Today Show, I am morally obligated to freak out, literarily (is that even a word? If not I hope that it at least makes sense…hard to tell at 8 AM). Why the hell do you watch that show, you say? Given the sparse (like food in an Ethiopian drought) fare that makes up morning television, this at least gives me ranting ammunition as I peruse the web for some actual news.

Upon hearing the word ‘poker’, my eyes shoot up from the laptop as my fingers work to turn up the volume. Woohoo! This sounds Howitzer class stuff as far as ranting ammunition goes, and Today didn’t disappoint. All I can say is, Thank God for the “Teens Playing Poker” segment, as I was truly unaware of it’s dangers until they brought it to my attention.

Here are some actual quotes from the ‘experts’ (I don’t have names, as I was trying to make sure I got their words correct):

“Letting teens play poker is tantamount to letting them play with a gun..”

(My favorite)—“Teens who play poker are 50% more likely to binge drink, 75% more likely to smoke marijuana, 15% more likely to use tobacco, and 4-6% more likely to develop a serious gambling problem.”

Oh dear, where to begin? A gun? I have yet to hear of anyone needing to be rushed to the hospital because the poker game accidentally discharged. Anyone with an IQ above 10 hopefully recognizes this statement as probably the most ignorant thing that will escape from anyone’s mouth on December 22, 2004.

Let’s deconstruct the second statement. “50% more likely to binge drink”. As any good past/present binge drinking degenerate will tell you, it wasn’t ‘the poker’ that made them do it. As I see it, you haven’t really lived until you’ve been binge drinking at least one time in your life. I’m certainly not advocating making it a regular habit (especially for teens), as you are pretty worthless for a while during the aftermath, but I digress…I would submit that if one takes poker seriously, it actually increases personal sobriety as concentration and discipline are paramount, especially for the beginner.

“75% more likely to smoke marijuana and 15% more likely to use tobacco”—Once again, I’m pretty sure that the decision to do either of these things is quite separate from the decision to gamble. The reasons behind this assertion was that poker encourages ‘risky’ behaviors. What is life in general, if not a risk taking gamble every time you step out of the house? I’d think that poker would be a one of the more 'safe' arenas in which to learn how to deal with and manage risk, but then again, I’m not an ‘expert’. With the ever increasing adoption of non-smoking poker rooms, could it not be argued that poker actually promotes healthier living? By logical extension, if I hold the above statement to be true, and considering the fact that marijuana is widely held to be a ‘gateway drug’…..should I expect to be shooting heroin within a relatively short time frame after learning to play Hold’em?

“Teens that play poker are 4-6% more likely to develop a gambling problem.”—All that can really be said here is, “Flapdoodle”. If someone is heading towards any kind of addiction, gambling or otherwise, they are going to get there regardless of what anyone does or says. Making narcotics illegal certainly helped decrease the number of addicts out there, didn’t it? War on Drugs, indeed. War on Terror, indeed. I think I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I foresee a War on Gambling in our near future.

These ‘experts’ also derided those who promote poker as extremely irresponsible, unlike those companies who produce alcohol. As though spending money on PSA’s starring actors fresh out of rehab, and putting Gamblers Anonymous telephone numbers on anything poker related somehow makes them more responsible. Is their definition of responsibility airing commercials (similar to every beer commercial you’ve ever seen) to try and convince you that the amount of poker you play is directly proportional to the amount of beautiful big-breasted models inclined to fuck your brains out?

I just realized, after much hand-wringing and cries of “Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children?” launched heavenward, I need to stop writing and shoot up because just thinking about poker is making me feel like the risk-taking, boozing, narcotics slugging degenerate I quite obviously am. I’ll probably end up discharging my firearm a few times as well in the process. All because of poker. If only I had seen The Today Show earlier….

Sniff a Clam...(if you dare)

I want that bitch's job.....
-My Wife (referring to Vanna White)

Don’t ask me why we had Wheel of Fortune on. It was a long day and I think she was just zoned out and too lazy to change the channel while I ran around in preparation for an evening of laziness and writing.

This morning, as I went through the new blog postings all over the ether, Bob’s post stopped me cold. It was pretty eerie, seeing on the page that which I had planned on ranting about, nearly verbatim. So thanks, Bob. You stole my proverbial thunder, and now I have to do some rewriting. Seriously though, it was kind of cool seeing someone who’s views were so similar to my own (or is it the other way around since he posted it first?). What the hell, I’m gonna rant anyway, since my wife insists on watching a group of overweight folks cry a lot and try to get healthy on NBC. Nothing gets me in a ranting mood quite like that channel, so off we go…..

The more advertising I see, the less I want to buy…
-Switters from Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates

I long for TV without crap advertising. I long to suckle pure programming milk from the glass teat. However, the milk is only becoming more tainted, along with any other form of media that requires eyeballs. I know, I could get a TIVO, and I still may, but with the continuous concerted effort to actually make it ILLEGAL to skip commercials, I foresee that a TIVO will be for naught within the next five years. Man, this is one of the times I REALLY hope that I’m wrong. If you haven’t heard about any of the things of this nature (is that an Arnold-ism?) that big business and Congress is trying to push through under our collective noses, start looking around. It’s out of mainstream sight, but really not too hard to find, and believe me, once you do find it you’re going to be PISSED (or should be, in my mind).

Anyway, back to the rant. Let’s hit Reality TV first, as that’s what is currently cascading over me. Reality TV, with all of the creative editing, and NOT CREATIVE product placement. I have nothing against product placement, per se, but goddamn it, the least they could do is TRY and blend it in. Then again, perhaps it really isn’t worth their time, considering the average IQ runs in the mid-90’s coupled with copious amounts of apathy. The Today Show isn’t news, it’s an advertising/marketing/mind control device. It’s consumer masturbation. Now this junk is even running over into video games, with EA (Electronic Arts) being the NBC of that particular industry. NBC=Useless vacuous crap + boatloads of ever increasing, awful advertising.

Here’s the thing…I don’t have anything against advertising or product placement as concepts, especially when done well. How else is a business supposed to grow and succeed, right? However, thanks to the decency police (see: FCC + parents of suburbia), and some creative ‘looking the other way’ in regards to decency (see my Herpes and Boners post) all we are left with is 99% crap. I swear, even if it was a mediocre product, I would support one that actually made some kind of outrageous or entertaining statement. Imagine if a seafood restaurant actually came out with a commercial in which they stated, “Come Sniff our Clams.” I would rush out and eat there. If Hummer actually said something to the effect of, “You’ll have the biggest penis EVER if you buy one of these”, I would laugh my ass off and most likely want to run out and buy one of those, too. Spare me the succulent-ness of your crablegs, and spare me your pre-pubescent off-roading wet dreams. They’ve all been done already and I’m bored out of my skull. Don’t even get me started on AOL and their ilk, as my head might explode. Considering it’s size, that would be quite a mess.

I’ll wrap things up by talking about how my life IS The Truman Show. I swear to you, dear reader, I am not making this up. I wish I was, because just when I don’t think I can grow any more annoyed by it, I do. Case in Point: On (I believe) our second date, I told my wife about my Truman Show life. She just laughed, thinking that I was waxing witty or something. Fast-forward six months, and we’re newly married. We leave at about 4:30 AM to go from Boise to Vegas for our honeymoon, and I had been bitching for the last few days as they had been more Truman-ish than normal. Our townhouse was in an EXTREMELY quite and low activity neighborhood. Yet, at 4:30 AM, I was nearly in a wreck as I pulled out onto the street and a monster truck came roaring by doing about 60. She was now a believer, as we did not see one other single sign of life the entire way out of our neighborhood. I am happy as a clam (a sniffable one, at that) now having someone to testify that I am not simply full of shit. I’m happier still that I can now add Bob to the list of someone who suffers from this awful affliction. I wish I knew how I got it, because I would sure like to get rid of it. Maybe I should start a foundation and begin lobbying for some new dumbass law to cater to my new made-up discriminated minority. The time is certainly politically ripe for such a move. I’m not sure why I decided to ramble about this, but it sure felt good.

I didn’t get any poker in at all last night or tonight. My head has been too post-work jumbled to play well. Why is it that I expect things to get progressively easier at work as the holidays draw near, when the reality is always the exact opposite? I strongly suspect it’s because I’m an idiot….

Remember kids, always Think Big, whether or not your head is Much Bigger.