What happened within the dead space of two months?
Too much and not enough.
I had to stop blogging for a while because it had simply ceased to be fun. Some intense self-loathing, for sure, for various reasons. I hardly read any blogs. I think I played poker twice the entire time.
We’ve all heard from various people in our lives all of the different quips that basically mean the same thing…”Do it right or don’t do it at all.” I didn’t feel like I was doing it right so I had to step back from everything even though I knew intellectually that there is no “right”.
Finally, at the ripe old age of 29, I’ve pretty much finished my Bachelors Degree (still have about 9 hours of lower-division straggler classes to finish, but those are a walk). I finished up a couple of certifications I should have completed long ago. Mrs. Head finished her MBA (emphasis on Global Management, if anyone is looking to hire. She’s like…umm,smart…and stuff). I am no longer dragging around the oppressive corporate black cloud (it’s not gone, just lightened up to a nicer shade of grey). This weekend was the time to get back to blogging and all of the other things that I so recently loved.
But what if I write something down and still hate it as I did before? It was a real fear. It’s one thing to leave for a while because you hate what’s coming out of you, but entirely another to come back and realize that you’ll be quitting yet another endeavor that you once enjoyed but now inexplicably can’t seem to do anymore.
I love it now as I once did. The drudge is gone, and I’ve gained a new perspective similar to those that come to light at the poker tables every once in a while. It’s not something that can be readily put into words, but you know that you’ve shifted to a new position and can see things that previously eluded you. You’ve just grown up another increment.
I live for the increments, like a junkie that lives for that next push. Most of the time, the junkie knows where to go for the next hit; increments aren’t so easy. When they make themselves known at the tables or in your life, be sure to treasure them because it might be a while before you get another.
Kumbaya.
Now that you’re all warm and fuzzy you may return to your regular poker schedule :)
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