Friday, January 06, 2006

I have no idea what to title this...

Today is going to be very nerve-wracking, as it is the first day of “late this week or early next” when I hope to be getting a phone call with news that will liberate me. I hate waiting. I used to be fairly good at it (I was never great), but that particular talent seems to be waning ever more as the years tick by.

I blame the internet.

If there is something I don’t know and want to find out about, there’s Google. I would have to take off my shoes more than a few times to tell you how many side bets have been immediately resolved and won in the last six months alone. If there is a random movie that comes to the forefront of my monkey-brain, I no longer have to worry about remembering it the next time I head to the video store, I just put it on the NetFlix queue. Set it and forget it! (not sure why I channeled Ron Popeil right then, but there ya go)

I still haven’t been able to decide if these things have freed up mental effort for other things or are slowly making me dumber. It really depends on what time of day you ask me, I guess. I can say that at this point either one would be very difficult to give up.

I just saw on the news that some of those miners that died left notes such as, “I went in peace” on their own dead bodies. I think when I die that this is one of the last opportunities I would like to have. The way I see it, in a horribly unfortunate situation these guys were fortunate. It sounds kind of awful, but wouldn’t you feel better having the chance to just say one more thing on your way out? The question that’s worth thinking about is, what would you say on your note?

It’s a tough one, for sure. I’d be torn between trying to say something as meaningful as I could and spouting something completely retarded as a statement on the absurdity of it all. I guess a big determining factor would be, how much time and space do I have to write? If I had the time and space I’d probably just try and do both, hopefully accomplishing something in death that I’ve been unable to accomplish thus far in life. I wonder if those who love me would understand if my final note was, “Set it and forget it?” (Damn you, Ronco!)

It would have people puzzling, and dammit, it would be funny.

Side thought: Would I go into my final sleep with my hand down my pants similar to my condition upon waking a majority of mornings? Waitaminute, I don’t wear pants to bed, not that it keeps my hands away from my junk. Shit, I guess you didn’t really need to know that, did you? (shut up, Head. Just shut up now)

How about some more Tales from the Darkside? I feel like telling them, so I guess that means you get to read them. I don’t really know what is prompting all this as of late. Perhaps it’s my need, as I strive to make an exit, to tell tales that serve as warning to others to stay as far away as possible (as if they needed any more warning).

Here is a quote from someone. It may or may not be a co-worker. Due to the furtive manner in which us corporate monkeys must blog, that’s all I’ll give for the specifics.

“Have you ever had rotisserie chicken?”

Yes. Yes, I have.

Know what else? Just last night I also had this new-fangled fish called salmon that was pretty weird. I think it’s Asian, or something.

Welcome to my personal hell. I just gained a new level of understanding for people on ledges.

And in local news (the 6AM variety), yet another gem has been mined. It seems that KSN (the local NBC station) will not be airing the new show The Book of Daniel that is coming out. A brief summary for those unfamiliar:

“The show focuses on an Episcopalian minister and father. He finds himself conversing with Jesus - his mentor and friend - who helps navigate family problems, church politics and even his nagging reliance on prescription painkillers. The pilot was written on spec by "Titus" co-creator Jack Kenny. NBC took the rare step of buying his finished script even though it was not developed through…”

When the commercial advertising this show came on, I quipped to Mrs. Head that I though it actually had possibilities, but since it was NBC, it was likely over hyped garbage. Nevertheless, if it was convenient, I would check it out because I thought it had potential. Fast-forward to this morning, where the local news informed us that the show would not be airing since so many people in the area (see: final refuge for God-fearing folk) were duly offended and filled with a fiery, righteous indignation.

I’m sure most, if not all of you, have already heard of the traffic ploys of Save My Finger. I’m seriously considering starting a charity for myself that is in this vein combined with a bit of The Human Fund from Seinfeld.

I’ll call it Save Me From Insanity dot com. Hell, I just bought the domain name, I might do it. Anything to get me away from the heavy-handed Bible beating. Maybe I can get some celebrity endorsements, and a portion of my proceeds could go to an actual charity!

Hmmm, I think I just may spend part of the day trying to flesh out this idea a bit more….