Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Boats and Penis Jokes: A Discussion of Unfortunate Names

I just remembered something about some recent neighbors that made me cringe. Male, 32-ish, 3 kids. Decided, "Hey I think I need to buy a 25-foot boat to tow behind my Hummer." Toss aside any ruminating on the "Whydidyoujustbuythatgarishboatwhenyou'veneverlivedawayfromyourparentsevenwhileyou'remarried" question, as well as the "JesusHHowmuchisyourgasbudget" musings, because it's not my issue or business even though it's fun to pretend it is. Completely justified, however, is a comment on the name of the vessel: The Master Baiter.

There is such a thing as Hilarious and Good Juvenile humor, like loudly asking "What?" anytime someone uses the word "deaf" and seeing how many times the recipient of this treatment actually repeats themselves.*

*In the interest of full disclosure, I've repeated myself on both occasions that Mrs. Head has subjected me to this hilarity. I don't know anyone that has occasion to speak of the deaf or otherwise hearing impaired with the regularity sufficient to rend this humor tiresome (it's only happened twice so far in seven years), thus the opportunity to engage in such is a rarity and slays me every time.

There is also Godawfully Poor and Tiresome Juvenile Humor, as demonstrated in the unfortunate naming practices of the aforementioned neighbor. The Master Baiter is something that can only be funny during that special period in every teenage boy's life when reference to the penis by any means necessary begins in earnest, minus any wit or real humor. In a perfect world this phase is short-lived and phallic reference, while never completely leaving humor's arsenal, should become more refined and/or used sparingly. It also seems lazy. In all the years between 11 and 32, the boundaries of funny couldn't be pushed outward? Even a little bit?**

**It just doesn't seem right to do a post like this without mentioning Bob. The man has been a pioneer in the art of keeping junk humor alive and elevated for years despite persecutions inflicted by various small-minded, and I suspect very small-junked, people.

If it were up to me (I love this game), and if (for whatever reason) I was taken with the idea of a juvenile name, then The Master Baiter would never do (for all of the above mentioned reasons as well others). We must use juvenile and crude humor to make fun of juvenile humor, thus elevating it. At least, that's how the theory goes in my mind.

Therefore, the boat should be named My Cock.

The Dick Joke or Let's Talk About My Genitals or This Is My Awesome Boat If By Boat You Mean My Penis were also considered, but I know nothing about boat-naming conventions and the limitations (if any) imposed, so I went with what was the shortest and most likely to confound and outrage the general public.