Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Lessons from CNN and George

What did I learn today on CNN?

Let’s see. I learned that Laura Bush has a bit of the skin cancer on her leg. It’s good that I know that because it reminds me of the inherent and ever present danger posed by the (some might say, Islamofacist) sun. I learned that the search for the three hikers on the mountain is scaling down, but the “human drama” (and consequent news coverage) still has plenty of get up and go. I also was informed, however briefly, that the reports are out saying inflation has increased by 2%, rather than the expected 0.5%. Directly following this was an oblique report about how scary it was that holiday sales are lower than expected. It was the “expected” that got me thinking. Therefore, I, being a good American, promptly went out and maxed out all of my credit cards.

I’m not worried. Soon, everyone will do the same after realizing their obvious folly. See it works like this. If we buy more stuff (as analysts expect), the economy does good, and that makes us all feel good. It’s what being American is about. If one says that they don’t feel good about something, well, that just seems un-American, and that makes me feel not good. If I feel not good then it must mean that I am becoming un-American and I certainly don’t want that. I should probably go buy something now, just in case. I’m sure there’s a new upgrade to something out there that I need.

Here’s what I missed.

“Bush, who gave an interview to the newspaper on Tuesday, said he had instructed new Defense Secretary Robert Gates to report back to him with a plan to increase ground forces, the Post said.”

The article went on to state:

"It is an accurate reflection that this ideological war we're in is going to last for a while and that we're going to need a military that's capable of being able to sustain our efforts and to help us achieve peace," he said.

Why didn’t I see it before? It was probably all of that unbidden freedom of speech drowning out my ability to properly relax. Thanks to Newt telling me why, I’m firmly committed to shutting that stuff down ASAP. Remember, can’t relax, can’t feel good, can't be American. If you don’t feel good about the Glorious War, I don’t blame you, and neither does George. He realizes, like you probably do, that the reason you’re worried is that we’re losing. But he also realizes, like you probably don’t, that the reason we’re losing is that we haven’t thrown enough bodies onto the pyre. I mean, what do we expect? Any idiot knows that the only way to make peace is to deal more death, and to do that one has to have more troops. Jaysus, you people have no idea what it is to lead. You just go on your merry way not buying stuff and free speeching it up when the country has serious war business to attend to.

“Gen. James Conway, the commander of the U.S. Marine Corps, also has expressed concerns about the strains being placed on his force and suggested last month it may need to grow.”

Just like the economy. Is it coming into focus now? This is the call for all good Americans to get out there and “shock and awe” some analyst expectations with our mighty debt.

With the
largest ever naval deployment to Persian Gulf, a healthy injection of troops, and a grateful public wielding a mighty debt hammer, we’ll have those dangerous terrorists crushed in no time and then we can finally deal with that nasty sun.

Feels just like a Mission Accomplished.