Thursday, January 05, 2006

From Positive to Pissed

Am I addicted to crack?

If by crack you mean Civilization IV, then yes, I am hopelessly addicted. I feel like Mike Renton, “Just one more fuckin’ hit!”

But, like Lindsey Lohan, I’ve recognized my problem and speaking out about it in the hope that I can be a better role model for my teen fans. I’m expecting a call from the Today Show anytime to schedule a tearful and heartfelt interview. I made Mrs. Head hide the game from me until such time as I can learn to control myself, but I still have Rise of Nations. It’s my methadone.

So, how’s 2006 so far for everyone?

From my perch, things are going pretty well so far. I had an interview on Tuesday that I think went pretty well; I should know something by the end of this week or early next. If I don’t get it…well, I’ll probably cry, or something. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts. ’06 WILL be better, goddamnit.

Either way, something needs to happen. I’m tired of the stressful waiting game, and all of the bullshit is beginning to retake its stressful hold on our house. Mrs. Head’s MBA is doing her absolutely no fucking good thus far. It seems that every single door that cracks open just slams shut again for some undetermined reason.

Must. Leave. Midwest. Existence. Sinkhole.

Shit. I was planning on being positive today, but instead have somehow talked myself into being pissed and annoyed, yet again.

I have today off because I have to go in this weekend to install a pay-for-print system, which won’t be very fun. Actually, that won’t be so bad; it’s the fallout from the people that are going to have to use the system that I’m no looking forward to. The main reason?

You have to use a credit or debit card.

In a normal place, this would be a pretty big non-issue, but this place is most definitely NOT normal. There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

“What?!! .05 per page? I can’t pay that!”

What I would like to say: Why? Did you spend all of your nickels on scratch tickets?

What I probably will say: ……..**shrug** I’m not sure what to tell you.

“I don’t have a debit card or credit card!!”

What I would like to say: We were going to get the computers that accepted greasy , wrinkled wads of disparate cash, but they were on back order for approximately forever.

What I probably will say: “Perhaps you have a friend that you can give the cash to that will let you use theirs? (more shrugging because I cannot perform otherworldy magic)

“We used to be able to print for free!!”

What I would like to say: That’s right Dumbfuck. Until you and your shockingly ignorant fellows decided that printing off entire reams of paper for things you’re going to throw away in two days was okay to do on a consistent basis. Because you can’t seem to handle reading an electronic document that’s not on paper, and even then it’s fucking questionable. Find me a school where you can print anything and everything for free whenever you please and I’ll buy you a printer that you’ll have no idea how to use my damn self. No? Buh-bye.

What I probably will say: We’ve had flyers notifying you of this change for months. I’m sorry if you feel inconvenienced.

I just want to look around and see one person who’s not a full-on tard. Help me, please.

Okay, enough of all that. I have to do some more schoolwork and try and make a bit of progress on finishing the book. Are you sure there isn’t some way we can add four more hours to the day?