Friday, January 27, 2006

Commercial Possibilities

There’s nothing quite like writing a 2,000 word analysis on organizational psychology in the morning to get the creative motors grinding to a full stop. The gross and incessant tedium of schoolwork mixed with a healthy dose of soulless corporate existence really put the kibosh on an excellent story idea I had last night. It gives a good lesson though, somewhere along the same lines of investment advice that states “pay yourself first.” I thought that by being dutiful all morning I would have an easy mind when doing the fun stuff of writing, but the duties sapped everything. Lesson learned. Seize inspiration when it arrives because it’s not a big fan of hanging out.


The pinnacle of intellectual prowess that sits across the wall from me, as opposed to the rest that are scattered throughout the joint, used to sell advertising for Clear Channel. As it turns out, she also knows a lot of the other Account Executives (I love the flowery titles given to the crappiest jobs) at local TV stations. Being in an uncharacteristically good mood that was likely due to the fact I was on my last half hour of work for the week, I decided to be civil and carry on a conversation with her that lasted more than 30 seconds. And while I would normally prefer watching grass grow, paint dry, or find inventive ways to torture myself with various pieces of semi-dangerous office equipment, I’m happy I took the time because I found out some interesting info on television advertising.

I figure that I know about what anyone else does concerning these things, the pinnacle of my knowledge being that a 30-second spot during the Super Bowl costs more than a small war. It turns out that on some of the more awesome stations like UPN and the WB it only costs around five bucks to air a 30-second spot in the morning. Being on the rotation for a certain few hours in the morning doesn’t cost much more. Hell, even prime time on these crappy stations is pretty cheap.

At these prices, the possibilities are endless.

Imagine the demographic that watches the entertainment smorgasbord aired by these stations in the morning hours. Now, imagine creeping these people right the hell out. 30 seconds of me just staring at the camera and blinking. Wait, make that 24 seconds. The final 6 seconds of the spot would be spent tapping on the glass, pointing, and then saying “I see you.”

Next commercial break, I’m reading a book (or whatever) and not looking at the screen. All of the sudden, my head jerks up.

“What did you just say to me?”
(Lean forward, get in the camera’s face)
(really make a concerted effort to act insane and raving)
“If you wanna stay healthy, you'll repeat what you just said to my face!”
(wait, start nodding head, affect creepy calm manner)
“Fine. I’m tired of this shit.”
(throw down the book—break something)
“I’m coming over there and then we’ll see how fuckin’ smart you are!”
(storm off)

If it caused even one person to be completely weirded out for the rest of their day it would be worth it, no?

Fine, you’re right, I’m a retard.